Alone (Quotes)
Originally aired on September 25, 2007.
Wilson: What does the diary say?
House: It's basically a list of her sexual encounters. Boys, girls, vibrating appliances.
Wilson: If it was, you'd be quoting - not summarizing.
Wilson: So all you have to do is convince this kid that his girlfriend had a secret doctor and a secret stash and a secret life. It's been a while since a patient took a swing at you. Can I watch?
House: Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe?
Wilson: Yeah, in the end they released the hostages. How's that working for you?
House: The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.
Wilson: Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance.
House: (At Wilson's House, looking at his TiVo). What is "El Fuego Del Amor" and why do you need ten of them?
Wilson: It's a... it's a Telenovela. I'm learning Spanish.
House: Well, say adios.
Wilson: Are you erasing my Tivo? House! Not the season finale!
House: I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey holes.
Cuddy: How'd you know it was me?
House: There’s a scent given off by wounded, feral cats.
Wilson: Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize.
House: Bring it on!
Wilson: (After House shows him a piece of his "kidnapped" guitar that the "kidnapper" gave him). Oh my god. This guy means business. Or guys, it could be multiple, multiple guys. Or a gal. Who knows. All I can say is, this reeks of boldness.
House: I am not hiring a team.
Wilson: You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird sound. Almost like a scream. (Wilson makes a squeaking sound).
Janitor: I should ask them for keys.
House: No need. I'm sure we can find a large rock somewhere.
Janitor: I'm not breaking into somebody's house. I got principles.
House: I've got some loose change here that says you don't.
Janitor: I'm not doing this... for less than a 50.
Cuddy: Well, let's just say your antidepressant theory does explain the fever. What about the heart? And don't say a building fell on her.
House: OK. A structure collapsed.
Cuddy: Shut up!
House: Come on, it fits
House: Can't take the case. I don't have a team.
Cuddy: So hire a team!
House: What for? I don't have a case!
House: If you're broke, I can loan you a tiny bit of the money I owe you.
Wilson: Oh, no. I wouldn't put you in that position.
Ben: You don't know?
House: I know, just can't say. Because you'll hit me. Let's discuss this in front of witnesses.
House: Sometimes I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations. But sometimes I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal. And you will often be right. Look to your left. Now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will 28 more of you. Wear a cup.
Wilson: You stole my patient.
House: You kidnapped my guitar.
Wilson: Give him back.
House: Only when you give her back.
Wilson: It's a she?
House: Well, it's certainly not a dude.
Wilson: It's a guitar! You took a human being!
House: Now who doesn't have a sense of humor? I'm monitoring the guy remotely.
Wilson: What are you, listening for the distant sound of screaming?
Dr. Hourani: You want to look at vaginas, there are web sites for that.
House: Do I look made of money?
Cuddy: Where did you come from?
House: Apes, if you believe the Democrats.
House: Imagine that the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite floor buffer, which then starts overheating.
Janitor: Why would I have a favorite floor buffer? (House stares at him). OK, maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it.
House: Hmm, interesting. Brain damage leading to hypothalamic disregulation. Nah, if you're brought in covered with rubble, it's all about the MRIs. We would've seen that. Come on! Gotta earn that fiver.
Janitor: Or stuff (motions toward his bottle of cleaning liquid) leaked in the holes, messin' it up.
House: Lacerations lead to multiple portals for infection. Bacterial would've responded to the antibiotics, (writes fever on the white board) it's too high for viral. Parasites or fungus is possible.
Janitor: Or maybe lupus. (House stares at him, again). My grandma has lupus.
House: OK, autoimmune. I'll run a lupus panel. Infection fits best. A complete history would be helpful, which leads to the worst part of the job: dealing with the floor buffer's family.
(House sends the janitor to get the family to sign a consent form, dressed as a doctor. The family realizes this, thanks to Cuddy).
Ben: He's a janitor?!
House: More significantly, a blabbermouth.
Cuddy: House, shut up!
Wilson: I thought this was gonna be fun. I mess with you, you mess with me. Eventually, you give in. But you've shown a startling lack of humor, which got me thinking.
House: Oh, god.
Wilson: What's the real reason you won't hire a team?
House: I told you, I don't need a team.
Wilson: Then hire three people and let 'em sit on their a***s.
House: That wouldn't be right.
Wilson: Three years ago, you hired a team. What's changed?
House: I've become a man of principle. I've gotten smarter. What answer will make Socrates shut up?
(House's guitar goes missing. House pays Wilson a visit).
House: Give it back.
Wilson: What happened? Did someone... kidnap your guitar? Your twelve thousand dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?
House: Where'd you hide it?
Wilson: I'm flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant.
House: Yeah, it takes a cri- (Stops talking as he notices that pieces of the newspaper that Wilson is reading have been clipped out). It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?
Wilson: Me? Nothing. But I'm sure the kidnapper wants what every kidnapper wants. To see you interview five to seven well qualified fellowship candidates.
House: I don't need a team.
Wilson: You were bouncing ideas off a janitor.
House: And solved the case!
(House decides to give in, in order to get his guitar back).
House: Just give me the damn resumes and my guitar.
Wilson: I don't have it. Although I did hear some plangent strumming from under that couch earlier. (House checks under the couch. Nothing). WWow. This kidnapper isn't just bold, he's diabolical. I guess he realized he probably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews.
Cuddy: Have you even interviewed anybody?
House: You test drive a car before you buy it, you have sex before you get married... I can't hire a team based on a ten minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?
Cuddy: You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing. Concert is over.
House: In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?
Cuddy: Take the case or you will spend the next month helping the collapse team change bandages.
Cuddy: Twenty six year old female. She was pulled out of the rubble after six hours. Two surgeries for multiple fractures and burns.
House: I'm thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head.
Wilson: What does the diary say?
House: It's basically a list of her sexual encounters. Boys, girls, vibrating appliances.
Wilson: If it was, you'd be quoting - not summarizing.
Wilson: So all you have to do is convince this kid that his girlfriend had a secret doctor and a secret stash and a secret life. It's been a while since a patient took a swing at you. Can I watch?
House: Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe?
Wilson: Yeah, in the end they released the hostages. How's that working for you?
House: The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.
Wilson: Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance.
House: (At Wilson's House, looking at his TiVo). What is "El Fuego Del Amor" and why do you need ten of them?
Wilson: It's a... it's a Telenovela. I'm learning Spanish.
House: Well, say adios.
Wilson: Are you erasing my Tivo? House! Not the season finale!
House: I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey holes.
Cuddy: How'd you know it was me?
House: There’s a scent given off by wounded, feral cats.
Wilson: Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize.
House: Bring it on!
Wilson: (After House shows him a piece of his "kidnapped" guitar that the "kidnapper" gave him). Oh my god. This guy means business. Or guys, it could be multiple, multiple guys. Or a gal. Who knows. All I can say is, this reeks of boldness.
House: I am not hiring a team.
Wilson: You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird sound. Almost like a scream. (Wilson makes a squeaking sound).
Janitor: I should ask them for keys.
House: No need. I'm sure we can find a large rock somewhere.
Janitor: I'm not breaking into somebody's house. I got principles.
House: I've got some loose change here that says you don't.
Janitor: I'm not doing this... for less than a 50.
Cuddy: Well, let's just say your antidepressant theory does explain the fever. What about the heart? And don't say a building fell on her.
House: OK. A structure collapsed.
Cuddy: Shut up!
House: Come on, it fits
House: Can't take the case. I don't have a team.
Cuddy: So hire a team!
House: What for? I don't have a case!
House: If you're broke, I can loan you a tiny bit of the money I owe you.
Wilson: Oh, no. I wouldn't put you in that position.
Ben: You don't know?
House: I know, just can't say. Because you'll hit me. Let's discuss this in front of witnesses.
House: Sometimes I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations. But sometimes I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal. And you will often be right. Look to your left. Now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will 28 more of you. Wear a cup.
Wilson: You stole my patient.
House: You kidnapped my guitar.
Wilson: Give him back.
House: Only when you give her back.
Wilson: It's a she?
House: Well, it's certainly not a dude.
Wilson: It's a guitar! You took a human being!
House: Now who doesn't have a sense of humor? I'm monitoring the guy remotely.
Wilson: What are you, listening for the distant sound of screaming?
Dr. Hourani: You want to look at vaginas, there are web sites for that.
House: Do I look made of money?
Cuddy: Where did you come from?
House: Apes, if you believe the Democrats.
House: Imagine that the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite floor buffer, which then starts overheating.
Janitor: Why would I have a favorite floor buffer? (House stares at him). OK, maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it.
House: Hmm, interesting. Brain damage leading to hypothalamic disregulation. Nah, if you're brought in covered with rubble, it's all about the MRIs. We would've seen that. Come on! Gotta earn that fiver.
Janitor: Or stuff (motions toward his bottle of cleaning liquid) leaked in the holes, messin' it up.
House: Lacerations lead to multiple portals for infection. Bacterial would've responded to the antibiotics, (writes fever on the white board) it's too high for viral. Parasites or fungus is possible.
Janitor: Or maybe lupus. (House stares at him, again). My grandma has lupus.
House: OK, autoimmune. I'll run a lupus panel. Infection fits best. A complete history would be helpful, which leads to the worst part of the job: dealing with the floor buffer's family.
(House sends the janitor to get the family to sign a consent form, dressed as a doctor. The family realizes this, thanks to Cuddy).
Ben: He's a janitor?!
House: More significantly, a blabbermouth.
Cuddy: House, shut up!
Wilson: I thought this was gonna be fun. I mess with you, you mess with me. Eventually, you give in. But you've shown a startling lack of humor, which got me thinking.
House: Oh, god.
Wilson: What's the real reason you won't hire a team?
House: I told you, I don't need a team.
Wilson: Then hire three people and let 'em sit on their a***s.
House: That wouldn't be right.
Wilson: Three years ago, you hired a team. What's changed?
House: I've become a man of principle. I've gotten smarter. What answer will make Socrates shut up?
(House's guitar goes missing. House pays Wilson a visit).
House: Give it back.
Wilson: What happened? Did someone... kidnap your guitar? Your twelve thousand dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?
House: Where'd you hide it?
Wilson: I'm flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant.
House: Yeah, it takes a cri- (Stops talking as he notices that pieces of the newspaper that Wilson is reading have been clipped out). It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?
Wilson: Me? Nothing. But I'm sure the kidnapper wants what every kidnapper wants. To see you interview five to seven well qualified fellowship candidates.
House: I don't need a team.
Wilson: You were bouncing ideas off a janitor.
House: And solved the case!
(House decides to give in, in order to get his guitar back).
House: Just give me the damn resumes and my guitar.
Wilson: I don't have it. Although I did hear some plangent strumming from under that couch earlier. (House checks under the couch. Nothing). WWow. This kidnapper isn't just bold, he's diabolical. I guess he realized he probably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews.
Cuddy: Have you even interviewed anybody?
House: You test drive a car before you buy it, you have sex before you get married... I can't hire a team based on a ten minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?
Cuddy: You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing. Concert is over.
House: In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?
Cuddy: Take the case or you will spend the next month helping the collapse team change bandages.
Cuddy: Twenty six year old female. She was pulled out of the rubble after six hours. Two surgeries for multiple fractures and burns.
House: I'm thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head.
