08/27: New Theory: Kiefer Did It!
A conspiracy theory from David Kronke:
:)
The figure skulks onto the stage; Jack tackles him, wrestling the hood from his head, revealing ... Kiefer Sutherland.
"You don't understand!" Sutherland bellows. "I've been nominated five years in a row and have nothing to show for it! I knew I wouldn't win if Hugh Laurie was nominated!
"So I called Chloe, impersonating you, and asked her to download the Emmy mainframe into my PDA," the anguished Sutherland continues.
"All my acting on that show is shouting into cell phones, shooting people in the thigh and responding to depressing information with a dark expression!
"I manipulated votes — so what?" Sutherland adds. "So Kevin James gets a nod; so seven lead actresses from canceled shows get nominated; so that lame 'Will & Grace' gets 10 nominations! That's a small price to pay to ensure my own corporeal glory!"
"You're insane," hisses Bauer.
"You don't understand!" Sutherland bellows. "I've been nominated five years in a row and have nothing to show for it! I knew I wouldn't win if Hugh Laurie was nominated!
"So I called Chloe, impersonating you, and asked her to download the Emmy mainframe into my PDA," the anguished Sutherland continues.
"All my acting on that show is shouting into cell phones, shooting people in the thigh and responding to depressing information with a dark expression!
"I manipulated votes — so what?" Sutherland adds. "So Kevin James gets a nod; so seven lead actresses from canceled shows get nominated; so that lame 'Will & Grace' gets 10 nominations! That's a small price to pay to ensure my own corporeal glory!"
"You're insane," hisses Bauer.
:)
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