One Day, One Room (Quotes)
Originally aired on January 30, 2007.
Patient: I have an STD?
House: No, but you will. Every person who comes in here has one thing in common. Having SWS. Sex While Stupid.
Wilson: She's looking to connect with you and that's what's scaring the hell out of you. Tell her the truth.
House: There is no truth.
Wilson: Are we role playing? Am I you? I don't wanna be you!
House: If we talk about nothing, nothing will change.
Eve: It might.
House: How?
Eve: Time. Time changes everything.
House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things; not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.
House: (Speaking to a patient, after examining the inside of his nostril). It's beautiful! If my lawn were half as well maintained as that, pigeons wouldn't have the nerve to poop on it.
Patient: Good grooming is important.
House: Is that a shot?
Patient: People do judge you on your appearance. When you entered, I noted your shirt hadn't been pressed; you hadn't shaved in quite some time. I extrapolated you were a person for whom detail was not a major concern. I was worried you might apply that same standard in your work.
House: Do you use toe nail clippers up there?
Patient: They're longer, so they allow me to better reach the upper hairs.
House: I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and forgot to brush my hair this week. You've got athlete's foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.
Cuddy: How can we make this (clinic duty) more interesting for you?
House: How can we make the sky green? How can we make the tall short? You cannot make the uninteresting interesting.
(House has patient take his own pulse).
House: How many beats?
Patient: 26.
House: Either you suck at math or you're about to die in two seconds! (Waits). You suck at math!
House: How can I help you this beautiful morning?
Cuddy: You got any cases?
House: Three. I got a teenage, African-American lung transplant-
Cuddy: For the next few days you'll be doing nothing but clinic work.
House: I just said-
Cuddy: You're lying!
House: Then why'd you ask?
Cuddy: Because if you told the truth, I was only gonna give you one day of clinic duty.
House: That's dishonest. I refuse to participate in this-
Cuddy: You'll do it. You owe me. I kept you out of jail. I can put you back.
House: Perjurer.
Cuddy: Felon.
Cuddy: Is that Vicodin? What happened to rehab?
House: I got out.
Cuddy: Oh! It was a scam? You are going back to the clinic. Or jail.
House: You perjured yourself to keep me out of jail. How're you...?
Cuddy: I only did that because I thought you were getting clean.
House: So, it's do clinic duty or go to jail.
Cuddy: Yes.
House: Then it'll be finish your paperwork or go to jail. Help with fundrasing or go to jail. Do your job or go to jail. I think I'd rather go to jail.
Cuddy: You owe me.
House: I'm evil.
Eve: Evil people don't say they're evil.
House: That sounds like an easy loophole.
House: We are selfish based animals crawling across the earth, but 'cause we've got brains, if we try really hard, we can usually aspire to something that is less than pure evil.
Cuddy: She's gonna be OK.
House: Yeah, it's that simple.
Cuddy: She's talking about what happened. That's huge. You did good.
House: Everyone will tell you: That's what we gotta make her do. We gotta help her, right? Except we can't. Instead, we drag out her story and tell each other that'll help her heal. We feel real good about ourselves. Maybe all we've done is make a girl cry.
Wilson: Then why did you...?
House: Because, I don't know.
Wilson: You gonna follow up with her?
House: One day, one room.
Doctor: He swallowed a magnet. We gotta cut it out.
House: (Speaking to young patient). How old are you?
Patient: Eight.
House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge. Darwin says let him die.
Cuddy: Is that Vicodin?
House: Breathmint - thought you were going to kiss me.
House: If we were to care about every person suffering on the planet, life would shut down.
Patient: I have an STD?
House: No, but you will. Every person who comes in here has one thing in common. Having SWS. Sex While Stupid.
Wilson: She's looking to connect with you and that's what's scaring the hell out of you. Tell her the truth.
House: There is no truth.
Wilson: Are we role playing? Am I you? I don't wanna be you!
House: If we talk about nothing, nothing will change.
Eve: It might.
House: How?
Eve: Time. Time changes everything.
House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things; not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.
House: (Speaking to a patient, after examining the inside of his nostril). It's beautiful! If my lawn were half as well maintained as that, pigeons wouldn't have the nerve to poop on it.
Patient: Good grooming is important.
House: Is that a shot?
Patient: People do judge you on your appearance. When you entered, I noted your shirt hadn't been pressed; you hadn't shaved in quite some time. I extrapolated you were a person for whom detail was not a major concern. I was worried you might apply that same standard in your work.
House: Do you use toe nail clippers up there?
Patient: They're longer, so they allow me to better reach the upper hairs.
House: I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and forgot to brush my hair this week. You've got athlete's foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.
Cuddy: How can we make this (clinic duty) more interesting for you?
House: How can we make the sky green? How can we make the tall short? You cannot make the uninteresting interesting.
(House has patient take his own pulse).
House: How many beats?
Patient: 26.
House: Either you suck at math or you're about to die in two seconds! (Waits). You suck at math!
House: How can I help you this beautiful morning?
Cuddy: You got any cases?
House: Three. I got a teenage, African-American lung transplant-
Cuddy: For the next few days you'll be doing nothing but clinic work.
House: I just said-
Cuddy: You're lying!
House: Then why'd you ask?
Cuddy: Because if you told the truth, I was only gonna give you one day of clinic duty.
House: That's dishonest. I refuse to participate in this-
Cuddy: You'll do it. You owe me. I kept you out of jail. I can put you back.
House: Perjurer.
Cuddy: Felon.
Cuddy: Is that Vicodin? What happened to rehab?
House: I got out.
Cuddy: Oh! It was a scam? You are going back to the clinic. Or jail.
House: You perjured yourself to keep me out of jail. How're you...?
Cuddy: I only did that because I thought you were getting clean.
House: So, it's do clinic duty or go to jail.
Cuddy: Yes.
House: Then it'll be finish your paperwork or go to jail. Help with fundrasing or go to jail. Do your job or go to jail. I think I'd rather go to jail.
Cuddy: You owe me.
House: I'm evil.
Eve: Evil people don't say they're evil.
House: That sounds like an easy loophole.
House: We are selfish based animals crawling across the earth, but 'cause we've got brains, if we try really hard, we can usually aspire to something that is less than pure evil.
Cuddy: She's gonna be OK.
House: Yeah, it's that simple.
Cuddy: She's talking about what happened. That's huge. You did good.
House: Everyone will tell you: That's what we gotta make her do. We gotta help her, right? Except we can't. Instead, we drag out her story and tell each other that'll help her heal. We feel real good about ourselves. Maybe all we've done is make a girl cry.
Wilson: Then why did you...?
House: Because, I don't know.
Wilson: You gonna follow up with her?
House: One day, one room.
Doctor: He swallowed a magnet. We gotta cut it out.
House: (Speaking to young patient). How old are you?
Patient: Eight.
House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge. Darwin says let him die.
Cuddy: Is that Vicodin?
House: Breathmint - thought you were going to kiss me.
House: If we were to care about every person suffering on the planet, life would shut down.
