Half-Wit (Quotes)
Originally aired on March 6, 2007.
Cameron: You're just looking for a puzzle to distract you from your own situation.
House: You're right. He's dead. Let's go home.
House: Patrick, I want you to pretend that your leg is a piano.
Patrick: My leg isn't a piano.
House: I know, that's why I said "pretend." (Under his breath to Foreman). Kid’s a moron.
House: (Speaking to Cuddy after waking her up at home in the middle of the night). Lets say I'm the left side of Patrick's brain, I'm quick witted, I'm charming, I'm great looking. You're the right side of his brain. You're useless, old, damaged. We go to a bar for a drink. Now, I have the mad skills to be scoring all the hot babes, but instead, I'm spending my time wiping drool off your chin and making sure you don't eat the tablecloth.
Cuddy: What's the father want to do?
House: I don't know.
Cuddy: So, go wake him up. (She turns away and then turns back toward House). House, I'm so sorry.
House: Forgot I was dying, huh?
Cuddy: I'm here, if you need me.
House: I need you. (Cuddy smiles and hugs House and House grabs her backside as she does). One small feel for man. One giant a** for mankind.
Cuddy: Thanks. Good luck in Boston. (House starts to follow her and she notices). Call the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Cameron: Do you have any idea why House would wanna go to Boston?
Foreman: The chowder?
Cameron: Plane tickets, this Friday. I opened his mail. I heard there's an opening at Harvard for division chief, Infectious Disease.
Foreman: Ambition's not one of his more prominent traits.
House: Dude can't button his shirt. How much more damage are we really talking about?
House: This is going to be personal, isn't it?
Foreman: Yeah.
(House leaves the room).
Foreman: I need to say something.
House: Something personal?
Foreman: Yeah.
House: And I can't leave because you got something interesting in that file.
Foreman: Sorry. You're an arrogant a** who makes it impossible for anyone to like him, by punching people who don't deserve—
House: Can we get to the but part of this speech?
Foreman: But I like you.
House: No, you don't. You're just reacting to the perception of my death. You need to put things in order. Fear of guilt-
Foreman: Will you shut up?
House: See. I annoy you.
Foreman: You're right. I don't like you.
House: Sure, now that I'm not dying.
House: You two shower together?
Cameron and Chase:: (At the same time). No!
House: Double negative. It's a yes.
Wilson: I could set up a tower on the roof during a lightning storm, help you switch brains with your patient. Then you would be the brilliant pianist and he would be the doctor hiding brain cancer from his friend.
House: It’s nothing.
Wilson: You need to talk about it.
House: You need to talk about it.
Wilson: At least let me look at your medical file.
House: You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Who else knows?
Wilson: No one and cancer isn’t nothing.
House: Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend your specialty.
Cameron: This is a letter of recommendation. I'm applying for a job at Penn.
House: Thank you for writing your own. I'm sure my thoughts are beautifully phrased.
Cameron: Thank you for signing it. Saves me having to fake your signature.
House: Stay away from Weiss. He cries with his patients. Holds their hands as they die. He won't like you. Your new found nonchalance in the face of cancer.
Cameron: I thought you'd find it appealing.
House: Twenty seconds. Pretty good.
Cameron: For what?
House: Time it took you to go from hard a** to human being. You really wanna leave?
Cameron: : If you're not here, there's not much point of staying.
House: I'm not dead yet.
(Cameron moves closer to House).
House: What're you doing?
(Again, she moves closer).
House: I know this must be a turn on for you.
(Cameron kisses House, under the guise of stabbing him with a needle to draw blood. But, House catches her hand in the act).
House: Little whorish to kiss and stab.
Cameron: You kissed back.
House: I didn't want you to die without knowing the feeling. Actually, no woman should die without knowing the feeling.
House: (Speaking to Cameron). Foreman's and Chase:'s lips are not getting so close now that I know your plan.
House: (Speaking to Cameron). If you need a sperm sample, come back without the needle.
House: Your turn?
Chase:: Do you have to do that?
House: You mean, cheapen everyone's attempt at a human moment by identifying the real calculations that go into it?
Chase:: Yeah.
House: Yeah. I do.
Chase:: I'm sorry you're dying. I'm gonna hug you. Anything to say?
House: Well, if you're considering grabbing my a**, don't start anything you can't finish.
Cameron: You're just looking for a puzzle to distract you from your own situation.
House: You're right. He's dead. Let's go home.
House: Patrick, I want you to pretend that your leg is a piano.
Patrick: My leg isn't a piano.
House: I know, that's why I said "pretend." (Under his breath to Foreman). Kid’s a moron.
House: (Speaking to Cuddy after waking her up at home in the middle of the night). Lets say I'm the left side of Patrick's brain, I'm quick witted, I'm charming, I'm great looking. You're the right side of his brain. You're useless, old, damaged. We go to a bar for a drink. Now, I have the mad skills to be scoring all the hot babes, but instead, I'm spending my time wiping drool off your chin and making sure you don't eat the tablecloth.
Cuddy: What's the father want to do?
House: I don't know.
Cuddy: So, go wake him up. (She turns away and then turns back toward House). House, I'm so sorry.
House: Forgot I was dying, huh?
Cuddy: I'm here, if you need me.
House: I need you. (Cuddy smiles and hugs House and House grabs her backside as she does). One small feel for man. One giant a** for mankind.
Cuddy: Thanks. Good luck in Boston. (House starts to follow her and she notices). Call the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Cameron: Do you have any idea why House would wanna go to Boston?
Foreman: The chowder?
Cameron: Plane tickets, this Friday. I opened his mail. I heard there's an opening at Harvard for division chief, Infectious Disease.
Foreman: Ambition's not one of his more prominent traits.
House: Dude can't button his shirt. How much more damage are we really talking about?
House: This is going to be personal, isn't it?
Foreman: Yeah.
(House leaves the room).
Foreman: I need to say something.
House: Something personal?
Foreman: Yeah.
House: And I can't leave because you got something interesting in that file.
Foreman: Sorry. You're an arrogant a** who makes it impossible for anyone to like him, by punching people who don't deserve—
House: Can we get to the but part of this speech?
Foreman: But I like you.
House: No, you don't. You're just reacting to the perception of my death. You need to put things in order. Fear of guilt-
Foreman: Will you shut up?
House: See. I annoy you.
Foreman: You're right. I don't like you.
House: Sure, now that I'm not dying.
House: You two shower together?
Cameron and Chase:: (At the same time). No!
House: Double negative. It's a yes.
Wilson: I could set up a tower on the roof during a lightning storm, help you switch brains with your patient. Then you would be the brilliant pianist and he would be the doctor hiding brain cancer from his friend.
House: It’s nothing.
Wilson: You need to talk about it.
House: You need to talk about it.
Wilson: At least let me look at your medical file.
House: You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Who else knows?
Wilson: No one and cancer isn’t nothing.
House: Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend your specialty.
Cameron: This is a letter of recommendation. I'm applying for a job at Penn.
House: Thank you for writing your own. I'm sure my thoughts are beautifully phrased.
Cameron: Thank you for signing it. Saves me having to fake your signature.
House: Stay away from Weiss. He cries with his patients. Holds their hands as they die. He won't like you. Your new found nonchalance in the face of cancer.
Cameron: I thought you'd find it appealing.
House: Twenty seconds. Pretty good.
Cameron: For what?
House: Time it took you to go from hard a** to human being. You really wanna leave?
Cameron: : If you're not here, there's not much point of staying.
House: I'm not dead yet.
(Cameron moves closer to House).
House: What're you doing?
(Again, she moves closer).
House: I know this must be a turn on for you.
(Cameron kisses House, under the guise of stabbing him with a needle to draw blood. But, House catches her hand in the act).
House: Little whorish to kiss and stab.
Cameron: You kissed back.
House: I didn't want you to die without knowing the feeling. Actually, no woman should die without knowing the feeling.
House: (Speaking to Cameron). Foreman's and Chase:'s lips are not getting so close now that I know your plan.
House: (Speaking to Cameron). If you need a sperm sample, come back without the needle.
House: Your turn?
Chase:: Do you have to do that?
House: You mean, cheapen everyone's attempt at a human moment by identifying the real calculations that go into it?
Chase:: Yeah.
House: Yeah. I do.
Chase:: I'm sorry you're dying. I'm gonna hug you. Anything to say?
House: Well, if you're considering grabbing my a**, don't start anything you can't finish.
