Whatever it Takes (Quotes)
Originally aired on November 6, 2007.
Dr. Curtis: Says here he ate a lot of chestnuts.
House: Hold on a second. If the Squirrel Liberation Army is involved I'm outta here. Those little rodents are-
Dr. Curtis: Horse chestnuts are poisonous, if someone switched them-
House: Horse chestnuts may look like chestnuts, but they taste like a horse's lower than chest nuts. Which makes the theory that he accidentally ate a couple hundred slightly less persuasive.
Wilson: They did a background check on you, they did a background check on your friends.
House: Relax. I'm sure they already know that you brought heroin back from Afghanistan.
Wilson: That's... that's not true. I've never been to Afghanistan. House?
Dr. Terzi: John hasn't vomited in six hours.
House: What's to vomit? I'm eating his lunch.
House: You've gotta get down here. They've got a satellite aimed directly into Cuddy's vagina. I told them the chances of invasion are slim to none, but...
Wilson: Either you're sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin or collapsed naked in front of your computer with a empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which because Chase has another pool going.
House: They flew me in to help deal with a sick employee. How much-
Wilson: Hallucinations. Damn, I shouldn't have bet on the Viagra.
Cole: That your breakfast?
House: Technically, it's Wilson's lunch.
Cole: What would House do right now?
Thirteen: Pop a pill, insult us and trick the patient.
Kutner: We can do that last part. She's never met House before, has she? Who's got a cane?
House: I know how to kill a man with my thumb.
Cuddy: Who doesn't?
House: Who were you going to kill in Bolivia? My old housekeeper?
Dr. Terzi: We don't kill anyone.
House: I'm sorry - who were you going to marginalize? If it is my housekeeper, she has it coming. Cleaning the windows means cleaning both sides.
Dr. Terzi: This is Dr. Sidney Curtis from the Mayo Clinic, he's also agreed to help with the diagnosis.
Dr. Curtis: (Shakes hand). Dr. House.
House: "Curtis on Immunology" Sidney Curtis?
Dr. Curtis: Oh, you've read it?
House: Nope, but it is keeping my piano level.
Dr. Curtis: He (House) should be brought up on charges!
House: OK, relax, I'll take your book out from under my piano.
House: My friends call me "The Cane." Even before I messed up my leg.
House: If I have to walk somewhere, there better be at least five girls involved. And they'd better be working their way through college.
Dr. Terzi: I'm afraid there are going to be some limitations on his medical history. Just let me know what you need and I should be able to provide it.
House: FYI, my malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies.
Dr. Terzi: That's fine. X-Files are in the next wing over.
Dr. Curtis: Where was the agent when he first fell ill?
Dr. Terzi: Sorry, that's classified, but assume there aren't too many places in the world John hasn't been and yes, John's a cover name.
Dr. Curtis: And what makes you think it was an attempt on his life?
Dr. Terzi: Sorry, I can't tell you that either.
Dr. Curtis: Well, what can you tell us?
House: Yeah, did Oswald really have sex with Marilyn Monroe?
House: OK, you're in charge.
Foreman: I know!
House: (Upon first entering the CIA building). Looks a lot better on 24. (After seeing Dr. Terzi). I take that back.
Wilson: I was wondering when you'd grow bored of avoiding my calls.
House: Oh, I can never grow bored of ignoring you.
Taub: It's lupus.
Amber: I'm with the little man on this one. It's attacking the body and the brain. Classic autoimmune.
Taub: Flirt all you want, but I should warn you: shiksas are for practice.
Wilson: Why are you punishing me worse than him?
Cuddy: Because House never learns. You might.
Taub: I could hook you up.
Amber: If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up.
House: Wanna ditch Dr. Killjoy and hop on the company jet? A little trip down Mexico way? I'm not talking about the country or the plane.
Dr. Terzi: You think acting like an idiot and talking about sex works on girls?
House: Well, if it didn't, the human race would have died out long ago.
Foreman: (Speaking to Cameron). Wow, this taught me a lesson. I guess when I mess with other people's patients, I risk looking like an officious b****.
House: Now we got the medical stuff out of the way, why don't we meet at your place for some enhanced interrogation techniques. My safe word is "help please please stop." That's two pleases. Anything less than that, you keep going.
Dr. Terzi: You actually cure this guy, I'll show you my private waterboard.
(CIA agent stands next to House).
Kutner: Who's your friend?
House: We use the term "life partner."
House: Does the I in CIA stand for irony?
Dr. Curtis: Says here he ate a lot of chestnuts.
House: Hold on a second. If the Squirrel Liberation Army is involved I'm outta here. Those little rodents are-
Dr. Curtis: Horse chestnuts are poisonous, if someone switched them-
House: Horse chestnuts may look like chestnuts, but they taste like a horse's lower than chest nuts. Which makes the theory that he accidentally ate a couple hundred slightly less persuasive.
Wilson: They did a background check on you, they did a background check on your friends.
House: Relax. I'm sure they already know that you brought heroin back from Afghanistan.
Wilson: That's... that's not true. I've never been to Afghanistan. House?
Dr. Terzi: John hasn't vomited in six hours.
House: What's to vomit? I'm eating his lunch.
House: You've gotta get down here. They've got a satellite aimed directly into Cuddy's vagina. I told them the chances of invasion are slim to none, but...
Wilson: Either you're sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin or collapsed naked in front of your computer with a empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which because Chase has another pool going.
House: They flew me in to help deal with a sick employee. How much-
Wilson: Hallucinations. Damn, I shouldn't have bet on the Viagra.
Cole: That your breakfast?
House: Technically, it's Wilson's lunch.
Cole: What would House do right now?
Thirteen: Pop a pill, insult us and trick the patient.
Kutner: We can do that last part. She's never met House before, has she? Who's got a cane?
House: I know how to kill a man with my thumb.
Cuddy: Who doesn't?
House: Who were you going to kill in Bolivia? My old housekeeper?
Dr. Terzi: We don't kill anyone.
House: I'm sorry - who were you going to marginalize? If it is my housekeeper, she has it coming. Cleaning the windows means cleaning both sides.
Dr. Terzi: This is Dr. Sidney Curtis from the Mayo Clinic, he's also agreed to help with the diagnosis.
Dr. Curtis: (Shakes hand). Dr. House.
House: "Curtis on Immunology" Sidney Curtis?
Dr. Curtis: Oh, you've read it?
House: Nope, but it is keeping my piano level.
Dr. Curtis: He (House) should be brought up on charges!
House: OK, relax, I'll take your book out from under my piano.
House: My friends call me "The Cane." Even before I messed up my leg.
House: If I have to walk somewhere, there better be at least five girls involved. And they'd better be working their way through college.
Dr. Terzi: I'm afraid there are going to be some limitations on his medical history. Just let me know what you need and I should be able to provide it.
House: FYI, my malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies.
Dr. Terzi: That's fine. X-Files are in the next wing over.
Dr. Curtis: Where was the agent when he first fell ill?
Dr. Terzi: Sorry, that's classified, but assume there aren't too many places in the world John hasn't been and yes, John's a cover name.
Dr. Curtis: And what makes you think it was an attempt on his life?
Dr. Terzi: Sorry, I can't tell you that either.
Dr. Curtis: Well, what can you tell us?
House: Yeah, did Oswald really have sex with Marilyn Monroe?
House: OK, you're in charge.
Foreman: I know!
House: (Upon first entering the CIA building). Looks a lot better on 24. (After seeing Dr. Terzi). I take that back.
Wilson: I was wondering when you'd grow bored of avoiding my calls.
House: Oh, I can never grow bored of ignoring you.
Taub: It's lupus.
Amber: I'm with the little man on this one. It's attacking the body and the brain. Classic autoimmune.
Taub: Flirt all you want, but I should warn you: shiksas are for practice.
Wilson: Why are you punishing me worse than him?
Cuddy: Because House never learns. You might.
Taub: I could hook you up.
Amber: If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up.
House: Wanna ditch Dr. Killjoy and hop on the company jet? A little trip down Mexico way? I'm not talking about the country or the plane.
Dr. Terzi: You think acting like an idiot and talking about sex works on girls?
House: Well, if it didn't, the human race would have died out long ago.
Foreman: (Speaking to Cameron). Wow, this taught me a lesson. I guess when I mess with other people's patients, I risk looking like an officious b****.
House: Now we got the medical stuff out of the way, why don't we meet at your place for some enhanced interrogation techniques. My safe word is "help please please stop." That's two pleases. Anything less than that, you keep going.
Dr. Terzi: You actually cure this guy, I'll show you my private waterboard.
(CIA agent stands next to House).
Kutner: Who's your friend?
House: We use the term "life partner."
House: Does the I in CIA stand for irony?
