The Right Stuff (Quotes)
Originally aired on October 2, 2007.
Cuddy: You bumped a splenectomy for a boob job?
House: Would you condemn this woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?
House: New patient. 30 year old female with synesthesia. New rules. You generated a lab report, you shred it. X-ray, you melt it. No notes, no records, nothing. As far as you're concerned, the patient is Osama Bin Laden. And everyone not in this room is Delta Force. Any questions?
Applicant 11: We're protecting Osama Bin Laden?
House: It's a metaphor. Get used to it.
Greta: I’m a Captain in the Air Force; about to start a new assignment. NASA’s astronaut training program.
House: I discovered salt and created FM radio.
Henry: So I’m playing this whole game to be like your secretary.
House: Assistant sounds marginally less demeaning.
Henry: Not my dream job.
House: Actually it is. Just isn’t your dream title.
Cuddy: Who is she?
Henry: What did House tell you?
Cuddy: That she is on the run from an international crime syndicate.
Henry: That's what he told us.
Cuddy: House may be your boss, but I'm House's boss. You want to work here, I better be OK with it.
House: Did you just see a blonde guy with a pretentious accent?
Amber: You can't see an accent.
House: Good point.
House: (Speaking to Cameron). The hair makes you look like a hooker. I like it.
House: I fired you.
Kutner: No, you didn’t
Amber: He fired you. You're number 6.
Kutner: No, I'm number 9.
House: I approve of your shamelessness. You're still fired.
House: How do you scan a liver without scanning a liver? And what's Cameron doing here?
Wilson: Interesting. So you're seeing Cameron now?
House: No. Not interesting because not seeing. Saw. My patient wont consent to MRIs or ultrasounds and you've dealt with more liver cancer than anyone else here.
Wilson: So you want me to share the secret scanning techniques I learned in Nepal? Unfortunately, the monks made me swear a blood oath. Where was she?
House: In the lobby. I guess we could palpate the area around the liver.
Wilson: Which wont work unless the tumor's enormous, which you know, which means your here because these visions are freaking you out.
House: She had blonde hair, why would I hallucinate that?
Wilson: Yes. Yes, why are you merging Cameron and Chase? We should find out before the next time you see her when she'll be black.
House: Mmhmm, because, of course it's scientifically impossible for a person to go back and visit somewhere they worked.
Wilson: No. But since she's not a dead cat, it is scientifically impossible for her to be in two places at once.
House: Physics joke. Don't hear enough of those.
Wilson: She just called me from Arizona. (Wilson dials in plain view of House). Notice the area code? 480. They put an offer on a place in Scottsdale. Do you want to talk or should I? I guess we could both talk. Although they're engaged and if you're staying in touch, you might want to buy them— (House hangs up the phone). House hangs up the phone. Maybe it's not repressed guilt, Maybe it's just panic. Right now you've got enough fellows to build a railroad. But you're going to have to narrow that room full of numbers down to three people.
House: Any chance you could turn this creative brilliance towards my patient's liver?
Wilson: I think you're going to choose people for reasons that have nothing to do with their skills. I think you're going to choose people just because you can't stand them. Because if you like them, well, that's just, stressful.
House: Stress. I like it.
House: Number 10, you're fired.
Applicant 10: She told you?
House: Well, it had to be someone who went to her home. Number 26 is half asleep, missed his afternoon nap, obviously he doesn't feel guilt. Number 2 is here on a visa, she can't jeopardize-
Applicant 10: You can't know-
House: And that chick has been pointing at you since I walked in.
House: I scheduled a diagnostic patient for a boob job, which is ridiculous. So obviously, you had to confront me.
Cuddy: I'm with you so far.
House: But I'm going to give you a reason.
Cuddy: Not a good one.
House: No. Not even close to a good one. But here's the drag from your point of view. My explanation won't make sense to the board, not to a judge, but to you, so you'll let me do it. Then, you're going to have to sit next to me at the administrative hearing. Don't you have better things to do? It's in the best interests of the patient.
House: Vitamin D is metabolized by both the liver and kidneys - it wouldn't tell us which one screwed up
Kutner: We could get her wasted. Give her shots of tequila, measure how long it takes her to pass out. If it's too fast, it means her livers not processing alchohol, means it's shot.
House: I like you number 9.
House: Paging me during Judge Judy, not the best way to win my affections.
Applicant: She had another episode of synaesthesia. It set off a psychotic attack and now she ran in there and must've jammed something in the handles.
House: So you called me, the guy with one good leg and zero leverage.
Applicant: We break that door down, security shows up and her name goes in a file.
House: Well, luckily, violence is not the last resort. Extortion is. So go ahead, extort her.
Applicant: If you don't open this door, we're going to break it down.
House: Clever. An appeal to her deep concern for hospital property. Let's see how that works.
House: Who is this man? Come on, take a shot. I'm not going to fire you every time you give a wrong answer.
Applicant: Neville Chamberlain.
House: Wrong. You're fired.
House: So, here we are, the big moment. Which of you gets to live to be abused another day? And which of you goes home and rationalizes being fired as character building?
House: Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.
Applicant: You're an atheist.
House: Only on Christmas and Easter. The rest of the time, it doesn't really matter.
House: You all have numbers, so we're gonna do this alphabetically!
Cuddy: From now on everything you do gets charted. With pen. On paper. In a binder that says "Princeton-Plainsborough Teaching Hospital" on the cover!
House: Mom!
Cuddy: If you want to run something through the labs, I get a copy. If you do scans, I get a copy. If you think about doing scans, I get a copy.
House: You know my current thoughts, right? I don't have to put those on paper.
House: The rest of you, 8:00 AM sharp. I’ll be in sometime between 10 and 3.
House: How old are you?
Henry: I'm 21... unless it's relevant.
Wilson: Interesting. It wasn't Foreman or Cameron you saw, but Chase, the one you fired.
House: Not interesting. Someone who looked like someone I used to know walked by my office.
Wilson: It's always interesting when repressed guilt starts unrepressing itself.
Cuddy: You bumped a splenectomy for a boob job?
House: Would you condemn this woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?
House: New patient. 30 year old female with synesthesia. New rules. You generated a lab report, you shred it. X-ray, you melt it. No notes, no records, nothing. As far as you're concerned, the patient is Osama Bin Laden. And everyone not in this room is Delta Force. Any questions?
Applicant 11: We're protecting Osama Bin Laden?
House: It's a metaphor. Get used to it.
Greta: I’m a Captain in the Air Force; about to start a new assignment. NASA’s astronaut training program.
House: I discovered salt and created FM radio.
Henry: So I’m playing this whole game to be like your secretary.
House: Assistant sounds marginally less demeaning.
Henry: Not my dream job.
House: Actually it is. Just isn’t your dream title.
Cuddy: Who is she?
Henry: What did House tell you?
Cuddy: That she is on the run from an international crime syndicate.
Henry: That's what he told us.
Cuddy: House may be your boss, but I'm House's boss. You want to work here, I better be OK with it.
House: Did you just see a blonde guy with a pretentious accent?
Amber: You can't see an accent.
House: Good point.
House: (Speaking to Cameron). The hair makes you look like a hooker. I like it.
House: I fired you.
Kutner: No, you didn’t
Amber: He fired you. You're number 6.
Kutner: No, I'm number 9.
House: I approve of your shamelessness. You're still fired.
House: How do you scan a liver without scanning a liver? And what's Cameron doing here?
Wilson: Interesting. So you're seeing Cameron now?
House: No. Not interesting because not seeing. Saw. My patient wont consent to MRIs or ultrasounds and you've dealt with more liver cancer than anyone else here.
Wilson: So you want me to share the secret scanning techniques I learned in Nepal? Unfortunately, the monks made me swear a blood oath. Where was she?
House: In the lobby. I guess we could palpate the area around the liver.
Wilson: Which wont work unless the tumor's enormous, which you know, which means your here because these visions are freaking you out.
House: She had blonde hair, why would I hallucinate that?
Wilson: Yes. Yes, why are you merging Cameron and Chase? We should find out before the next time you see her when she'll be black.
House: Mmhmm, because, of course it's scientifically impossible for a person to go back and visit somewhere they worked.
Wilson: No. But since she's not a dead cat, it is scientifically impossible for her to be in two places at once.
House: Physics joke. Don't hear enough of those.
Wilson: She just called me from Arizona. (Wilson dials in plain view of House). Notice the area code? 480. They put an offer on a place in Scottsdale. Do you want to talk or should I? I guess we could both talk. Although they're engaged and if you're staying in touch, you might want to buy them— (House hangs up the phone). House hangs up the phone. Maybe it's not repressed guilt, Maybe it's just panic. Right now you've got enough fellows to build a railroad. But you're going to have to narrow that room full of numbers down to three people.
House: Any chance you could turn this creative brilliance towards my patient's liver?
Wilson: I think you're going to choose people for reasons that have nothing to do with their skills. I think you're going to choose people just because you can't stand them. Because if you like them, well, that's just, stressful.
House: Stress. I like it.
House: Number 10, you're fired.
Applicant 10: She told you?
House: Well, it had to be someone who went to her home. Number 26 is half asleep, missed his afternoon nap, obviously he doesn't feel guilt. Number 2 is here on a visa, she can't jeopardize-
Applicant 10: You can't know-
House: And that chick has been pointing at you since I walked in.
House: I scheduled a diagnostic patient for a boob job, which is ridiculous. So obviously, you had to confront me.
Cuddy: I'm with you so far.
House: But I'm going to give you a reason.
Cuddy: Not a good one.
House: No. Not even close to a good one. But here's the drag from your point of view. My explanation won't make sense to the board, not to a judge, but to you, so you'll let me do it. Then, you're going to have to sit next to me at the administrative hearing. Don't you have better things to do? It's in the best interests of the patient.
House: Vitamin D is metabolized by both the liver and kidneys - it wouldn't tell us which one screwed up
Kutner: We could get her wasted. Give her shots of tequila, measure how long it takes her to pass out. If it's too fast, it means her livers not processing alchohol, means it's shot.
House: I like you number 9.
House: Paging me during Judge Judy, not the best way to win my affections.
Applicant: She had another episode of synaesthesia. It set off a psychotic attack and now she ran in there and must've jammed something in the handles.
House: So you called me, the guy with one good leg and zero leverage.
Applicant: We break that door down, security shows up and her name goes in a file.
House: Well, luckily, violence is not the last resort. Extortion is. So go ahead, extort her.
Applicant: If you don't open this door, we're going to break it down.
House: Clever. An appeal to her deep concern for hospital property. Let's see how that works.
House: Who is this man? Come on, take a shot. I'm not going to fire you every time you give a wrong answer.
Applicant: Neville Chamberlain.
House: Wrong. You're fired.
House: So, here we are, the big moment. Which of you gets to live to be abused another day? And which of you goes home and rationalizes being fired as character building?
House: Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.
Applicant: You're an atheist.
House: Only on Christmas and Easter. The rest of the time, it doesn't really matter.
House: You all have numbers, so we're gonna do this alphabetically!
Cuddy: From now on everything you do gets charted. With pen. On paper. In a binder that says "Princeton-Plainsborough Teaching Hospital" on the cover!
House: Mom!
Cuddy: If you want to run something through the labs, I get a copy. If you do scans, I get a copy. If you think about doing scans, I get a copy.
House: You know my current thoughts, right? I don't have to put those on paper.
House: The rest of you, 8:00 AM sharp. I’ll be in sometime between 10 and 3.
House: How old are you?
Henry: I'm 21... unless it's relevant.
Wilson: Interesting. It wasn't Foreman or Cameron you saw, but Chase, the one you fired.
House: Not interesting. Someone who looked like someone I used to know walked by my office.
Wilson: It's always interesting when repressed guilt starts unrepressing itself.
