Originally aired March 1, 2005.

House: A secret club? What's the secret – they're all morons?

Wilson: Even I don't like you.
House: You know, words can hurt.

Jeffrey: What now – throw everything at the wall and see what sticks?
Chase: Works for spaghetti.
Jeffrey: Are you being funny?
House: Apparently not.

House: Are you saying that for the chance of a beautiful family moment or is there some medicine involved?
Rowan Chase: It fits better.
House: Too bad. I was hoping for the other reason. I was going to go get my camera.

Cameron: You know, parents are never as bad as their kids think.
Chase: You like him so much, ask him out.

Gabe: Who are you?
House: The little one's call me "Uncle Greg."

Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part. Did Rowan ask you not to tell?
House: I promised I wouldn't. My fingers were crossed so I'm wide open.
Wilson: I was wrong – this is the musing out loud part. Do I actually need to be here?

Wilson: On the other hand, there is the "do unto others" thingy?
House: Then I should definitely tell him. I'd want to know.
Wilson: You want to know everything. There's also the "keeping your promises" thingy.
House: You never run out of thingies.

House: You mentioned two obscure diseases to Dr. Chase. How'd you know about them?
Jeffery: I read about them on the internet.
House: So, what'd you search for? "Diseases from Asia that don’t match my son's symptoms"?