Please click the episode to see the photos for that episode.

The number in parentheses the episode number in the overall series and not just this season.

1 (71). Alone
Originally aired on September 25, 2007.

2 (72). The Right Stuff
Originally aired on October 2, 2007.

3 (73). 97 Seconds
Originally aired on October 9, 2007.

4 (74). Guardian Angel
Originally aired on October 23, 2007.

5 (75). Mirror, Mirror
Originally aired on October 30, 2007.

6 (76). Whatever it Takes
Originally aired on November 6, 2007.

7 (77). Ugly
Originally aired on November 13, 2007.

8 (78). You Don't Want to Know
Originally aired on November 20, 2007.

9 (79). Games
Originally aired on November 27, 2007.

10 (80). It's a Wonderful Lie
Originally aired on January 29, 2008.

11 (81). Frozen
Originally aired on February 3, 2008.

12 (82). TBD
Originally aired on February 5, 2008.

Please click the episode to see the photos for that episode.

The number in parentheses the episode number in the overall series and not just this season.

1 (47). Meaning
Originally aired on September 5, 2006.

2 (48). Cane and Able
Originally aired on September 12, 2006.

3 (49). Informed Consent
Originally aired on September 19, 2006.

4 (50). Lines in the Sand
Originally aired on September 26, 2006.

5 (51). Fools for Love
Originally aired on October 31, 2006.

6 (52). Que Sara Sara
Originally aired on November 7, 2006.

7 (53). Son of Coma Guy
Originally aired on November 14, 2006.

8 (54). Whac-A-Mole
Originally aired on November 21, 2006.

9 (55). Finding Judas
Originally aired on November 28, 2006.

10 (56). Merry Little Christmas
Originally aired on December 12, 2006.

11 (57). Words and Deeds
Originally aired on January 9, 2007.

12 (58). One Day, One Room
Originally aired on January 30, 2007.

13 (59). Needle in a Haystack
Originally aired on February 6, 2007.

14 (60). Insensitive
Originally aired on February 13, 2007.

15 (61). Half-Wit
Originally aired on March 6, 2007.

16 (62). Top Secret
Originally aired on March 27, 2007.

17 (63). Fetal Position
Originally aired on April 3, 2007.

18 (64). Airborne
Originally aired on April 10, 2007.

19 (65). Act Your Age
Originally aired on April 17, 2007.

20 (66). House Training
Originally aired on April 24, 2007.

21 (67). Family
Originally aired on May 1, 2007.

22 (68). Resignation
Originally aired on May 8, 2007.

23 (69). The Jerk
Originally aired on May 15, 2007.

24 (70). Human Error
Originally aired on May 29, 2007.

Please click the episode to see the photos for that episode.

The number in parentheses the episode number in the overall series and not just this season.

1 (23). Acceptance
Originally aired on September 13, 2005.

2 (24). Autopsy
Originally aired on September 20, 2005.

3 (25). Humpty Dumpty
Originally aired on September 27, 2005.

4 (26). TB or Not TB
Originally aired on November 1, 2005.

5 (27). Daddy's Boy
Originally aired on November 8, 2005.

6 (28). Spin
Originally aired on November 15, 2005.

7 (29). Hunting
Originally aired on November 22, 2005.

8 (30). The Mistake
Originally aired on November 29, 2005.

9 (31). Deception
Originally aired on December 13, 2005.

10 (32). Failure to Communicate
Originally aired on January 10, 2006.

11 (33). Need to Know
Originally aired on February 7, 2006.

12 (34). Distractions
Originally aired on February 14, 2006.

13 (35). Skin Deep
Originally aired on February 20, 2006.

14 (36). Sex Kills
Originally aired on March 7, 2006.

15 (37). Clueless
Originally aired on March 28, 2006.

16 (38). Safe
Originally aired on April 4, 2006.

17 (39). All In
Originally aired on April 11, 2006.

18 (40). Sleeping Dogs Lie
Originally aired on April 18, 2006.

19 (41). House vs. God
Originally aired on April 25, 2006.

20 (42). Euphoria, Part 1
Originally aired on May 2, 2006.

21 (43). Euphoria, Part 2
Originally aired on May 3, 2006.

22 (44). Forever
Originally aired on May 9, 2006.

23 (45). Who's Your Daddy?
Originally aired on May 16, 2006.

24 (46). No Reason
Originally aired on May 23, 2006.

Please click the episode to see the photos for that episode.

The number in parentheses the episode number in the overall series and not just this season.

1 (1). Pilot
Originally aired on November 16, 2004.

2 (2). Paternity
Originally aired on November 23, 2004.

3 (3). Occam's Razor
Originally aired on November 30, 2004.

4 (4). Maternity
Originally aired on December 7, 2004.

5 (5). Damned If You Do
Originally aired on December 14, 2004.

6 (6). The Socratic Method
Originally aired on December 21, 2004.

7 (7). Fidelity
Originally aired on December 28, 2004.

8 (8). Poison
Originally aired on January 25, 2005.

9 (9). DNR
Originally aired on February 1, 2005.

10 (10). Histories
Originally aired on February 8, 2005.

11 (11). Detox
Originally aired on February 15, 2005.

12 (12). Sports Medicine
Originally aired on February 22, 2005.

13 (13). Cursed
Originally aired on March 1, 2005.

14 (14). Control
Originally aired on March 15, 2005.

15 (15). Mob Rules
Originally aired on March 22, 2005.

16 (16). Heavy
Originally aired on March 29, 2005.

17 (17). Role Model
Originally aired on April 12, 2005.

18 (18). Babies & Bathwater
Originally aired on April 19, 2005.

19 (19). Kids
Originally aired on May 3, 2005.

20 (20). Love Hurts
Originally aired on May 10, 2005.

21 (21). Three Stories
Originally aired on May 17, 2005.

22 (22). The Honeymoon
Originally aired on May 24, 2005.

Originally aired on February 3, 2008.

Originally aired November 27, 2007.

House: Sign on the door says, "Closed. Private Event."
Cuddy: You're alone.
House: How much more private can you get?

Foreman: No. He's sick because he's a drug addict.
House: No, he has every symptom you would expect from a drug addict.
Foreman: So you think it's all too perfect? Some other disease is trying to throw us off its trail?
House: If he had four out of a possible twenty symptoms, he'd be a garden variety druggie. Twenty out of twenty, there is an underlying disease.

Cuddy: Who are you keeping? You owed me a decision ten days ago.
House: Total amnesia.

House: Who would you pick to fill your narrow little flats?
Cameron: So you can fire them off my recommendation? Nice try.

Amber: Does Foreman being here mean the game's over?
House: It means the patient's life is almost over. You can call it what you want.

House: Why would you have a blank liability release form, plus your checkbook on top of your desk?
Wilson: Probably because they were in the second drawer, in a Manila envelope, under a book and you put them on top of my desk.

Cameron: His blood results show booze, cocaine, amphetamines, opiates. The only mystery here is how he made it to be 38.

Chase: How’s the new us-es' final case going?

Wilson: Dying's easy. Living's hard.
House: That can't possibly be as poignant as it sounded!

Cuddy: What the hell did you do?
House: You told me to hire Cutner and Taub.
Cuddy: Because I knew you wouldn't!
House: Oops.
Cuddy: I can't let you hire two men.
House: Now that is sexist.
Cuddy: You've already got Foreman.
House: Is he a dude?
Cuddy: Hire a woman, too.
House: Hired two women.
Cuddy: You can have the one that gives a crap about people.
House: They both do.
Cuddy: Right. Hire Thirteen. (Cuddy starts to leave, but then realizes something). This was your plan all along. Well, at least the games are over.
House: How long have you known me?

House: Foreman, you run the test.
Foreman: Sure. Anything I can do to help your game.
House: He's not gonna run the test.
Thirteen: I don't think so.
House: No.

House: There are three choices in life: be good, get good or give up. You went for column D. Why?

House: What makes you so sure that drugs are a mask for something else?
Thirteen: Drugs are always a mask for something else.
House: It's the dumbest thing I have heard in my life.

House: (Speaking to Amber). If you were always right, then you wouldn't have just been wrong. Or let the patient mainline nicotine. Or ravaged my anatomical model, which grandma House bought me when I aced my MCATs.

House: Hey! Who's the sickest patient you've got?
Cameron: I've got a guy who'll be dead in the next ten minutes.

House: Dr. Cuddy: the face that launched a thousand long faces.

House: Remind me of your influences here. I’m gonna say, Thelonius Monk and the sound a trash compactor makes when you crawl inside it.

Wilson: What sort of a lawyer tells his client he's got a case because he's going to live?
House: I've heard that not all lawyers are as ethical as the ones we see on TV.
Wilson: I don't think this guy even has a law degree.
House: A lot of the guys on TV don't, either.
Wilson: I think he has a medical degree.
House: It directly affects my bottom line. You have less money to lend—
Wilson: I'm trying to take responsibility!
House: And I'm trying to teach you that everyone is out for theirs. You might as well keep yours.
Wilson: And lend it to you? You have to control everything. How come you're going around asking everyone who you should fire?

Rex: Maybe purposelessness is my purpose.
Amber: Mission accomplished.

Foreman: I'm trying to stop the game.
Chase: That's your role in the game.
(Foreman's beeper beeps).
Foreman: You wander over here to annoy me?
Chase: You're not wearing a lab coat. House doesn't wear one, does he?
Foreman: Damn! Now when I walk away, it's gonna look like I have a reason other than just annoyance.

House: I wanna keep all four.
Cuddy: You can have two.
House: You don't get negotiation, do you? I say four, you say three, we finally settle on three and a half which would be good news for Taub.

House: What do you think? Is he seizing or dancing?

House: Interesting.
Wilson: Why would you use that word?
House: Because I'm interested. When I'm interested, I describe the things that make me interested as interesting.

Originally aired on November 20, 2007.

Taub: (Spotting a rabbit's cage). Aha! Tularemia.
Kutner: (Hasn't seen the cafe). Nah, you'd have to have rabbits.
Taub: True. Maybe a tick jumped from a rabbit and landed on one of these white fluffy alligators.

House: Patient dead yet?
Thirteen: No.
House: That's a little much for a first date.
Thirteen: Obviously, you've never dated me.

Amber: Pseudomonas would present as an armpit rash. Take off your shirt.
House: You first.

Flynn: (Speaking to House). You ever do magic as a kid? You seem like the type. Lonely, obsessive.

House: We can all applaud the doctor who's willing to break all the rules. But the real hero is the unsung doctor, toiling in anonymity, because he broke the rules without getting caught. I need to know you have these skills. I need you to bring me the thong of Lisa Cuddy. Not kidding. Thong. Cuddy. Go.
(The applicants look at Foreman).
Foreman: It's how I got hired.

House: I found an old picture in your wallet.
Thirteen: Of course you did.
House: I wasn’t snooping. I needed lunch money.

Kutner: I have a sick guy. I saw this magician last night-
House: The girl’s fine. He didn’t really cut her in half.

Cole: You don’t seem to care if you get this job or not.
Thirteen: Yeah, I’ve been here for eight weeks 'cause my subscription to Masochism Weekly ran out.

House: Magic is cool. Actual magic is oxymoronic. Might not even be oxy.

House: The whole point of this was to subvert Cuddy. You became her partner, gave her power she didn’t already have. Let her greedy fingers into my cookie jar. Which, sadly, is not as dirty as it sounds.

Foreman: Um, there's a guy bleeding.
House: Foreman, she's not wearing any underwear. You used to be more fun.
Foreman: She's not wearing any underwear, big deal. When she stops wearing clothing, then we can stop the medical stuff.

Wilson: You knew they'd get paged?
House: I noticed a trend. If nobody does anything, sick people often get sicker. Do you think it's remotely possible they had sex?
Wilson: They're both single. It's still legal in the blue states.
House: She barely knows him.
Wilson: You know, in some cultures, hiring people to steal someone's underpants is considered wooing. You should move there. Because here it's just, you know, creepy.
House: There was no woo. This was an effective test.
Wilson: This is beneath my skills.

House: I finally have a case of Lupus.

Wilson: Of course you’re type AB. universal recipient. You take from everybody.
House: Course, you’re Type O, universal donor. No wonder you’re paying three alimonies.

Taub: Those really were her panties?
House: Cole has traveled through the forest of crustaceans and brought us a treasure.

House: Oh my God! You’re not wearing underwear!
Cuddy: Of course I’m-
House: Skirt that tight, you got no secrets. Skirt that tight, I can tell if you’ve got an IUD.

Thirteen: You spend your whole life looking for answers. Because you think the next answer would change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. And you know that when you run out questions you don't just run out of answers, you run out of hope. You glad you know that?

Originally aired on November 13, 2007.

Amber: Why did you bring her in so late? It's not fair, the rest of us-
House: Hey, hey, hey, you wanted fair - you picked the wrong job, the wrong profession... the wrong species.

Cameron: I learned how to be a doctor from House. Or, at least a doctor who learned to be a doctor from House, if that makes any sense.
Director: And you left his team because you couldn't stand him anymore?
Cameron: No, no, I love Dr. House.
Director: That's something we haven't heard.
Cameron: I mean... what did you ask me again?
Director: Why you left him?
Cameron: I mean... I loved being around him... professionally, you know, it was always stimulating... not in a erotic sense of the word.

House: Our patient has...
Amber: Why did you hire her?
House: Because she has way more diagnostic experience than the other swimsuit models I was considering.

Cuddy: You think I like the cameras? You think I want the whole world watching you checking out my a** and question my wardrobe?
House: Would it be better if I checked out your wardrobe and questioned your a**?
Cuddy: A little part of me-
House: There is no little part of you.

House: Let's go for a walk. Walks gives the illusion of the story moving forward.

House: I became a doctor because of the movie Patch Adams.

Cuddy: House, you have a minute to be disemboweled?

Taub: There's a mass lesion in the left anterior temporal lobe surrounded by edema.
House: Did you just insult me in Pig Latin?

House: Wow, you are ugly.
Kenny: Wow, you're an a**.

House: We can try and pretend we're above it, we can try and intellectualize it away. But ultimately, shiny, pretty, perky things are good and ugly, misshapen teenage boys are repulsive.
Director: The question was, do you resent Dr. Cuddy's interference in your practice?
House: Oh. Well, then I guess my answer wasn't very helpful, was it?

House: You're right about me being wrong and wrong about you being right.

House: Also, my eyes look better in rooms with summer colors.

House: I think she might be an idiot.
Wilson: Who?
House: But she can't be an idiot. She was in the CIA for God's sake.
Wilson: The Bay of Pigs was a daring triumph.
House: She had good ideas in Langley.
Wilson: All your ideas.
House: She was able to identify that they were good ideas.
Wilson: Stab in the dark here. Is she pretty?
House: She's new. She's nervous.
Wilson: She's a C-Cup?
House: She said one dumb thing in a differential. They all say dumb things in differentials.
Wilson: A D-Cup? If she's no good just fire her.
House: I can't! I just hired her. She left a career.
Wilson: Wow. Either that's actual guilt or I've got to see this woman.

House: Just a warning. We have to start getting consent every time we do a procedure, pretty soon they'll want informed consent.

Wilson: You've got a problem.
House: Tell me something I don't know.
Wilson: You hire beautiful girls, enslave them, force them to be around you because you don't know how to have an actual relationship. If they're qualified, keep them. If not, fire them and ask them out.
House: You do realize that "tell me something I don't know" is just an expression.

(Wilson is having fun with the camera crew).
Wilson: Well, it's great how he rebounded from that setback.
Director: What setback?
Wilson: He didn't tell you about the... ? Well, it's his right. The records were sealed. Personally, I think he was just tapping his foot and reaching for the toilet paper. Obviously, it was a witch hunt.
Director: You think they singled him out because?
Wilson: No, literally. It was a witch hunt. Dr. House is a practicing Wiccan. It's a beautiful religion. Very caring-
House: Hey, hey, hey!

Wilson: Where'd you get those keys?
House: Blue the janitor.
Wilson: What?
House: That's his name.
Wilson: His name is Lou.
House: I owe him an apology.

Amber: Why did you hire her?
House: Not in front of the company.
Kutner: Ah, are we gonna be on TV?
House: I'm making a music video. Come on, little faster, more energy.
Taub: Why are you glad Foreman is not here?
House: Because he would object on what I'm about to do.

House: Just watch twenty minutes of this stuff. Tell me if I'm out of my mind.
Wilson: Finally, we have video evidence.

Originally aired on November 6, 2007.

Dr. Curtis: Says here he ate a lot of chestnuts.
House: Hold on a second. If the Squirrel Liberation Army is involved I'm outta here. Those little rodents are-
Dr. Curtis: Horse chestnuts are poisonous, if someone switched them-
House: Horse chestnuts may look like chestnuts, but they taste like a horse's lower than chest nuts. Which makes the theory that he accidentally ate a couple hundred slightly less persuasive.

Wilson: They did a background check on you, they did a background check on your friends.
House: Relax. I'm sure they already know that you brought heroin back from Afghanistan.
Wilson: That's... that's not true. I've never been to Afghanistan. House?

Dr. Terzi: John hasn't vomited in six hours.
House: What's to vomit? I'm eating his lunch.

House: You've gotta get down here. They've got a satellite aimed directly into Cuddy's vagina. I told them the chances of invasion are slim to none, but...

Wilson: Either you're sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin or collapsed naked in front of your computer with a empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which because Chase has another pool going.
House: They flew me in to help deal with a sick employee. How much-
Wilson: Hallucinations. Damn, I shouldn't have bet on the Viagra.

Cole: That your breakfast?
House: Technically, it's Wilson's lunch.

Cole: What would House do right now?
Thirteen: Pop a pill, insult us and trick the patient.
Kutner: We can do that last part. She's never met House before, has she? Who's got a cane?

House: I know how to kill a man with my thumb.
Cuddy: Who doesn't?

House: Who were you going to kill in Bolivia? My old housekeeper?
Dr. Terzi: We don't kill anyone.
House: I'm sorry - who were you going to marginalize? If it is my housekeeper, she has it coming. Cleaning the windows means cleaning both sides.

Dr. Terzi: This is Dr. Sidney Curtis from the Mayo Clinic, he's also agreed to help with the diagnosis.
Dr. Curtis: (Shakes hand). Dr. House.
House: "Curtis on Immunology" Sidney Curtis?
Dr. Curtis: Oh, you've read it?
House: Nope, but it is keeping my piano level.

Dr. Curtis: He (House) should be brought up on charges!
House: OK, relax, I'll take your book out from under my piano.

House: My friends call me "The Cane." Even before I messed up my leg.

House: If I have to walk somewhere, there better be at least five girls involved. And they'd better be working their way through college.

Dr. Terzi: I'm afraid there are going to be some limitations on his medical history. Just let me know what you need and I should be able to provide it.
House: FYI, my malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies.
Dr. Terzi: That's fine. X-Files are in the next wing over.
Dr. Curtis: Where was the agent when he first fell ill?
Dr. Terzi: Sorry, that's classified, but assume there aren't too many places in the world John hasn't been and yes, John's a cover name.
Dr. Curtis: And what makes you think it was an attempt on his life?
Dr. Terzi: Sorry, I can't tell you that either.
Dr. Curtis: Well, what can you tell us?
House: Yeah, did Oswald really have sex with Marilyn Monroe?

House: OK, you're in charge.
Foreman: I know!

House: (Upon first entering the CIA building). Looks a lot better on 24. (After seeing Dr. Terzi). I take that back.

Wilson: I was wondering when you'd grow bored of avoiding my calls.
House: Oh, I can never grow bored of ignoring you.

Taub: It's lupus.
Amber: I'm with the little man on this one. It's attacking the body and the brain. Classic autoimmune.
Taub: Flirt all you want, but I should warn you: shiksas are for practice.

Wilson: Why are you punishing me worse than him?
Cuddy: Because House never learns. You might.

Taub: I could hook you up.
Amber: If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up.

House: Wanna ditch Dr. Killjoy and hop on the company jet? A little trip down Mexico way? I'm not talking about the country or the plane.
Dr. Terzi: You think acting like an idiot and talking about sex works on girls?
House: Well, if it didn't, the human race would have died out long ago.

Foreman: (Speaking to Cameron). Wow, this taught me a lesson. I guess when I mess with other people's patients, I risk looking like an officious b****.

House: Now we got the medical stuff out of the way, why don't we meet at your place for some enhanced interrogation techniques. My safe word is "help please please stop." That's two pleases. Anything less than that, you keep going.
Dr. Terzi: You actually cure this guy, I'll show you my private waterboard.

(CIA agent stands next to House).
Kutner: Who's your friend?
House: We use the term "life partner."

House: Does the I in CIA stand for irony?

Originally aired on October 30, 2007.

Amber: What's going on?
Kutner: You're the favorite.
Amber: House's?
Kutner: To get fired.

Cuddy: I just hired him (Foreman).
House: Well, I fired him. To infinity.

Wilson: Well, you certainly did the right thing by coming to me.
House: Yes, I needed a smug oncologist.
Wilson: An authoritative oncologist.
House: I hate you. Tell me why.

Wilson: So what if it’s House?
Foreman: Then I take the job at Mount Zion.
Wilson: There is no job at Mount Zion.
Foreman: House said-
Wilson: Well, if House said it, it must be true.

Cuddy: You do nothing without his (Foreman) knowledge.
House: Oh, uh, just in case I need them, where exactly will Dr. Foreman be keeping my balls?

Foreman: I'm not quitting.
House: My god, not everything's about you and your little job and your little world. This is about restoring order in the universe.
Foreman: I'm not quitting.
House: You're going to be miserable.
Foreman: I already am miserable.

(House and Cuddy stand in front of a patient who mirrors whichever person he feels to be most dominant as they are curious as to who he will choose).
Cuddy: Hi, I'm the Dean of Medicine.
House: Hi, I'm the guy who saved your life.
Cuddy: I can fire him. I can fire him now. I can fire him tomorrow. I don't even need-
House: She doesn't fire me. She never will fire me. She needs me-
Cuddy: He's a good doctor, that's all. I respect his expertise and I-
House: She's hot for me.
Robert Elliott: Shut up.
Cuddy: Well, that could have been either of us.
Robert Elliott: You have great ya-bos.
Cuddy: Still could have been either of us.
House: You lose.
Cuddy: Seriously! I have always thought my breasts were one of my best features.

House: Keep him in the isolation room so he doesn't pick up extreme bitch syndrome from one of the nurses.

Foreman: The mayo is fine, you can stay where you are. I'm a doctor.
House: Mail order. I've seen the diploma. Two n's in university.

Foreman: The world thinks I've been corrupted so no one will hire me. I hate being here. I'd love to quit but I can't.

House: So now you’ve electrocuted yourself and set a patient on fire. I like the dedication.
Kutner: Thank you.
Taub: It wasn’t a compliment.
House: Yeah it was. The insult comes now: you’re insane!

Kutner: The cultures were my idea.
House: No one's keeping score. You’re losing.

Foreman: You know what’s worse then a sanctimonious speech? A sanctimonious speech that’s dead wrong.

Cuddy: Your team, Foreman included, is dealing with the Great Mayonnaise Panic of 2007. Frankly, I’m worried it might spread to other condiments.

House: Someone’s gonna be miserable sometime. Accept it. That’s how I stay so happy.

House: War doesn't end until Foreman's gone.
Cuddy: Foreman's not going anywhere.
House: And I know when my Vicodin isn't Vicodin. Do you know when your birth control pills aren't birth control pills?

Brennan: You want us to stop his breathing?
House: Well, only until you can figure out why. After that it would be irresponsible.

House: Have you guys heard any of my metaphors yet? Well come on, sit on grandpa's lap as I tell you how infections are criminals; immune system's the police. Seriously, Grumpy, get up here, it’ll make us both happy.

Originally aired on January 29, 2008.

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Originally aired on November 16, 2004.

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