Originally aired on October 23, 2007.

House: That is just great.
Dobson: What is?
Taub: Which one of us is?
House: Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other wrong. Couldn't care less about the patient, but it all works out the same.
Amber: I hate Thirteen.
House: Not as productively.

Amber: Sorry I'm late.
Taub: Where the hell have you been.
Amber: Oh, I got lost.
Kutner: Been here over three hours.
Amber: Really lost.

Cuddy: (Speaking to Foreman). You're House Lite now. The only administrator that will touch you is the one who hired House Classic.

House: There are seven of you and only six roses.
Kutner: Those are peonies... (House stares at him) but I'm sure they're part of the rose family.

Wilson: You’re quite impressed with yourself right now, aren’t you?
House: Who wouldn’t be?

Cameron: (She has won a bet). Cash will be fine.
House: I bet you say that to all the guys.

House: (Speaking to fellows over the phone from his office). Good morning, angels. As you will see from the file, we have quite the interesting case. Not often you get a patient who sees dead people.
Kutner: What file?
House: What the hell? I gave it to Bosley a half hour ago.
Cameron: (Now in House's office). It was not a half hour, it was ten minutes and he made copies of the ER records first. (Hands coffee to House).
House: Less lip, more whip. I only agreed to take this case because you said that this mocha frappalicious would have whip on it.
Cameron: Fine, I'll refer the case to Foreman.
House: Can't. Mercy fired him.
Cameron:He got fired?
House: Disobeyed his superior officer under fire. He's lucky he wasn't executed.
Cameron: How do you know about it? Are you keeping tabs on him?
House: Girls talk.

House: I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits.

House: Don't think of it as digging up a body, think of it as keeping another one from getting buried.

House: Dark religious nut?
Cole: What did you call me?
House: I'm sorry. What do you want to be called this week?
Cole: Cole.
House: Well, I'm never going to remember that. Take Bosley and the other visible minorities to the funeral home. The rest of you young, white people - the world is your oyster. An MRI with contrast, EEG, LP and blood panel. And angels, be careful.

Taub: Why does he get to be Bosley?
Kutner: You want to be Bosley? Bosley’s like the asexual messenger boy.

Taub: Shouldn’t we be running?
Kutner: If it’s a cop, run. Security guard, I say we take him down.

House: Idiot! From the old French, ed-i-ot. Meaning effeminate, mentally deficient Moor.

Cole: Ethanol could have psychoactive effects-
House: Bosley, tell whoever's talking that he's an idiot.
(Dobson stands up, but hesitates).
House: Bosley, either tell him he's an idiot or tell me why I'm wrong.
Dobson: You're an idiot.

House: You guys don't wipe your feet when you come in the house? (Gives Taub a mop). Doctors' lounge, let's go.
Taub: Why me?
House: Well, I can't ask the black guy or one of the chicks to do it - it'd be insensitive.

Cameron: (Speaking about Cole). Just because he's religious, doesn't mean he won't kick your a**.
House: You wanna bet?
Cameron: No, I want you to stop being such a jerk to him.
House: One hundred dollars.
(Cameron steps back).
House: Smart call. That guy's a wuss. He'll be the next one on the train.
Cameron: Define "kick your a**".
House: Any physical confrontation-
Cameron: Or verbal.
House: Define "verbal".
Cameron: Anything over 70 decibels. And you can't start suddenly being nice to him!
House: You realize what you're encouraging here?
Cameron: Yeah, someone kicking your a**.

Amber: Dr. Cuddy, I'm Amber Volakis, one of Dr. House's new fellows.
Cuddy: Sexual harassment claims go through HR, stress related leaves through workman's comp and any accusations of criminal activities go directly to Princeton-Plainsborough's police department.

Cuddy: The doctor's lounge is covered in mud.
House: Thirteen and Cutthroat B**** were having a disagreement and the cafeteria was out of jello.
Cuddy: There were pickaxes. Either you had them dig up a body or you're building a railroad.

House: Big Love, have I humiliated you in the last half hour?
Cole: No.
House: Check your e-mail.

Cuddy: How many of them agreed to dig up a grave?
House: Six. But don't worry, the one who didn't didn't stand on principle. He just had a diaper to change. I really think there are no bad choices in this group.

Originally aired on October 9, 2007.

House: You like exotic. Why are you here?
Brennan: I want this job.
House: Parents sick?
Brennan: No, I... I just...
House: This is not the job you want. This is a job in a zip code you want. You engaged?
Brennan: Yes.
House: Tada!

Wilson: You're an idiot. You nearly killed yourself.
House: That was the whole idea.
Wilson: You wanted to kill yourself?
House: I wanted to nearly kill myself.

Cuddy: How advanced is the pneumonia?
House: It's taking college courses.

Cole: Why are you late?
House: To see who'd put up with it.
Cole: So, if we left, we would have been fired?
House: I was gonna fire whoever stuck around. But, since everyone stuck around...

House: Can't let you leave. I think you're still suicidal.
Almore: I wasn't trying to off myself.
House: No, that's right. You were just trying to kill the wall.

House: Hey Wilson! I'm gonna cut some cripple's eye out. Wanna come watch?
Wilson: Good times.

House: (Speaking to patient). I check this little box and your new roommates are Jesus and Crazy McLoonybin.

House: I'm going to fire the next person who asks me who I'm gonna fire.

Cuddy: Why are you here?
House: My offices is being used by my teams.
Cuddy: Teams?
House: Which means this is the only place where you can yell at me.
Cuddy: You have teams?
House: Two of them. I wanted to deal with the yelling today because I noticed what you were wearing and I wouldn't have to listen all that closely.
Cuddy: You can't make a competition out of patient care.

House: I could have you fired!
Chase: You already had me fired.
House: Just proves that I can.
Chase: Were the men wrong?
House: No. That doesn't change the fact that-
Chase: Why are you yelling at me?
House: Because performing tests for someone who's not a doctor in this hospital-
Chase: You're frustrated. If you want help, I'm here. If you just need to vent, leave a message.
Cameron: I like him better like this. You?

Henry: It was the best two weeks of my life.
House: I think I'll miss you most of all, ridiculously old fraud.

House: Cervical lymph node is a garbage dump. Very small one; just one truck comes and it only comes for one home. Al Gore would be appalled.

Cuddy: You can't beat me at a foot race.
House: I thought we were dancing.

Henry: We're not okay.
Amber: I get it. You don't like me because maybe I'm a little bit competitive.
Taub: Manipulative.
Kutner: "Cutthroat B****" is your official title.
Amber: It's a game. You can either play for fun or play to win. If you want to win, you want cutthroat.
Cole: No, thank you.

Wilson: Just watching you is painful. I'm upping your pain meds.
House: I love you.

Cole: What are we supposed to be doing? It's almost four.
Kutner: You've got somewhere to be?
Twin: We know he likes to manipulate people. He's probably testing us.
Amber: To find out what? How long we can look stupid for? He said he'd be here by 3. He's obviously not coming. I'm going home.
Cole: Nobody follow her. She pied pipered nine people right out of the job last week.

Originally aired on October 2, 2007.

Cuddy: You bumped a splenectomy for a boob job?
House: Would you condemn this woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?

House: New patient. 30 year old female with synesthesia. New rules. You generated a lab report, you shred it. X-ray, you melt it. No notes, no records, nothing. As far as you're concerned, the patient is Osama Bin Laden. And everyone not in this room is Delta Force. Any questions?
Applicant 11: We're protecting Osama Bin Laden?
House: It's a metaphor. Get used to it.

Greta: I’m a Captain in the Air Force; about to start a new assignment. NASA’s astronaut training program.
House: I discovered salt and created FM radio.

Henry: So I’m playing this whole game to be like your secretary.
House: Assistant sounds marginally less demeaning.
Henry: Not my dream job.
House: Actually it is. Just isn’t your dream title.

Cuddy: Who is she?
Henry: What did House tell you?
Cuddy: That she is on the run from an international crime syndicate.
Henry: That's what he told us.
Cuddy: House may be your boss, but I'm House's boss. You want to work here, I better be OK with it.

House: Did you just see a blonde guy with a pretentious accent?
Amber: You can't see an accent.
House: Good point.

House: (Speaking to Cameron). The hair makes you look like a hooker. I like it.

House: I fired you.
Kutner: No, you didn’t
Amber: He fired you. You're number 6.
Kutner: No, I'm number 9.
House: I approve of your shamelessness. You're still fired.

House: How do you scan a liver without scanning a liver? And what's Cameron doing here?
Wilson: Interesting. So you're seeing Cameron now?
House: No. Not interesting because not seeing. Saw. My patient wont consent to MRIs or ultrasounds and you've dealt with more liver cancer than anyone else here.
Wilson: So you want me to share the secret scanning techniques I learned in Nepal? Unfortunately, the monks made me swear a blood oath. Where was she?
House: In the lobby. I guess we could palpate the area around the liver.
Wilson: Which wont work unless the tumor's enormous, which you know, which means your here because these visions are freaking you out.
House: She had blonde hair, why would I hallucinate that?
Wilson: Yes. Yes, why are you merging Cameron and Chase? We should find out before the next time you see her when she'll be black.
House: Mmhmm, because, of course it's scientifically impossible for a person to go back and visit somewhere they worked.
Wilson: No. But since she's not a dead cat, it is scientifically impossible for her to be in two places at once.
House: Physics joke. Don't hear enough of those.
Wilson: She just called me from Arizona. (Wilson dials in plain view of House). Notice the area code? 480. They put an offer on a place in Scottsdale. Do you want to talk or should I? I guess we could both talk. Although they're engaged and if you're staying in touch, you might want to buy them— (House hangs up the phone). House hangs up the phone. Maybe it's not repressed guilt, Maybe it's just panic. Right now you've got enough fellows to build a railroad. But you're going to have to narrow that room full of numbers down to three people.
House: Any chance you could turn this creative brilliance towards my patient's liver?
Wilson: I think you're going to choose people for reasons that have nothing to do with their skills. I think you're going to choose people just because you can't stand them. Because if you like them, well, that's just, stressful.
House: Stress. I like it.

House: Number 10, you're fired.
Applicant 10: She told you?
House: Well, it had to be someone who went to her home. Number 26 is half asleep, missed his afternoon nap, obviously he doesn't feel guilt. Number 2 is here on a visa, she can't jeopardize-
Applicant 10: You can't know-
House: And that chick has been pointing at you since I walked in.

House: I scheduled a diagnostic patient for a boob job, which is ridiculous. So obviously, you had to confront me.
Cuddy: I'm with you so far.
House: But I'm going to give you a reason.
Cuddy: Not a good one.
House: No. Not even close to a good one. But here's the drag from your point of view. My explanation won't make sense to the board, not to a judge, but to you, so you'll let me do it. Then, you're going to have to sit next to me at the administrative hearing. Don't you have better things to do? It's in the best interests of the patient.

House: Vitamin D is metabolized by both the liver and kidneys - it wouldn't tell us which one screwed up
Kutner: We could get her wasted. Give her shots of tequila, measure how long it takes her to pass out. If it's too fast, it means her livers not processing alchohol, means it's shot.
House: I like you number 9.

House: Paging me during Judge Judy, not the best way to win my affections.
Applicant: She had another episode of synaesthesia. It set off a psychotic attack and now she ran in there and must've jammed something in the handles.
House: So you called me, the guy with one good leg and zero leverage.
Applicant: We break that door down, security shows up and her name goes in a file.
House: Well, luckily, violence is not the last resort. Extortion is. So go ahead, extort her.
Applicant: If you don't open this door, we're going to break it down.
House: Clever. An appeal to her deep concern for hospital property. Let's see how that works.

House: Who is this man? Come on, take a shot. I'm not going to fire you every time you give a wrong answer.
Applicant: Neville Chamberlain.
House: Wrong. You're fired.

House: So, here we are, the big moment. Which of you gets to live to be abused another day? And which of you goes home and rationalizes being fired as character building?

House: Rational arguments don’t usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.
Applicant: You're an atheist.
House: Only on Christmas and Easter. The rest of the time, it doesn't really matter.

House: You all have numbers, so we're gonna do this alphabetically!

Cuddy: From now on everything you do gets charted. With pen. On paper. In a binder that says "Princeton-Plainsborough Teaching Hospital" on the cover!
House: Mom!
Cuddy: If you want to run something through the labs, I get a copy. If you do scans, I get a copy. If you think about doing scans, I get a copy.
House: You know my current thoughts, right? I don't have to put those on paper.

House: The rest of you, 8:00 AM sharp. I’ll be in sometime between 10 and 3.

House: How old are you?
Henry: I'm 21... unless it's relevant.

Wilson: Interesting. It wasn't Foreman or Cameron you saw, but Chase, the one you fired.
House: Not interesting. Someone who looked like someone I used to know walked by my office.
Wilson: It's always interesting when repressed guilt starts unrepressing itself.

Originally aired on September 25, 2007.

Wilson: What does the diary say?
House: It's basically a list of her sexual encounters. Boys, girls, vibrating appliances.
Wilson: If it was, you'd be quoting - not summarizing.

Wilson: So all you have to do is convince this kid that his girlfriend had a secret doctor and a secret stash and a secret life. It's been a while since a patient took a swing at you. Can I watch?

House: Did you ever see Raid on Entebbe?
Wilson: Yeah, in the end they released the hostages. How's that working for you?
House: The Ugandans played fair. They didn't move the hostages on the Israelis.
Wilson: Once again, I am in awe of the kidnapper's tactical brilliance.
House: (At Wilson's House, looking at his TiVo). What is "El Fuego Del Amor" and why do you need ten of them?
Wilson: It's a... it's a Telenovela. I'm learning Spanish.
House: Well, say adios.
Wilson: Are you erasing my Tivo? House! Not the season finale!
House: I don't negotiate with terrorists. I smoke them out of their hidey holes.

Cuddy: How'd you know it was me?
House: There’s a scent given off by wounded, feral cats.

Wilson: Do you know what terrorists do when you don't negotiate? They terrorize.
House: Bring it on!

Wilson: (After House shows him a piece of his "kidnapped" guitar that the "kidnapper" gave him). Oh my god. This guy means business. Or guys, it could be multiple, multiple guys. Or a gal. Who knows. All I can say is, this reeks of boldness.
House: I am not hiring a team.
Wilson: You ever tighten a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird sound. Almost like a scream. (Wilson makes a squeaking sound).

Janitor: I should ask them for keys.
House: No need. I'm sure we can find a large rock somewhere.
Janitor: I'm not breaking into somebody's house. I got principles.
House: I've got some loose change here that says you don't.
Janitor: I'm not doing this... for less than a 50.

Cuddy: Well, let's just say your antidepressant theory does explain the fever. What about the heart? And don't say a building fell on her.
House: OK. A structure collapsed.
Cuddy: Shut up!
House: Come on, it fits

House: Can't take the case. I don't have a team.
Cuddy: So hire a team!
House: What for? I don't have a case!

House: If you're broke, I can loan you a tiny bit of the money I owe you.
Wilson: Oh, no. I wouldn't put you in that position.

Ben: You don't know?
House: I know, just can't say. Because you'll hit me. Let's discuss this in front of witnesses.

House: Sometimes I am wrong. I have a gift for observation, for reading people and situations. But sometimes I am wrong. This will be the longest job interview of your life. I will test you in ways that you will often consider unfair, demeaning and illegal. And you will often be right. Look to your left. Now look to your right. By the end of six weeks, one of you will be gone. As will 28 more of you. Wear a cup.

Wilson: You stole my patient.
House: You kidnapped my guitar.
Wilson: Give him back.
House: Only when you give her back.
Wilson: It's a she?
House: Well, it's certainly not a dude.
Wilson: It's a guitar! You took a human being!
House: Now who doesn't have a sense of humor? I'm monitoring the guy remotely.
Wilson: What are you, listening for the distant sound of screaming?

Dr. Hourani: You want to look at vaginas, there are web sites for that.
House: Do I look made of money?

Cuddy: Where did you come from?
House: Apes, if you believe the Democrats.

House: Imagine that the roof of the storage closet collapses on your favorite floor buffer, which then starts overheating.
Janitor: Why would I have a favorite floor buffer? (House stares at him). OK, maybe the electrical works got banged up in there from stuff falling on it.
House: Hmm, interesting. Brain damage leading to hypothalamic disregulation. Nah, if you're brought in covered with rubble, it's all about the MRIs. We would've seen that. Come on! Gotta earn that fiver.
Janitor: Or stuff (motions toward his bottle of cleaning liquid) leaked in the holes, messin' it up.
House: Lacerations lead to multiple portals for infection. Bacterial would've responded to the antibiotics, (writes fever on the white board) it's too high for viral. Parasites or fungus is possible.
Janitor: Or maybe lupus. (House stares at him, again). My grandma has lupus.
House: OK, autoimmune. I'll run a lupus panel. Infection fits best. A complete history would be helpful, which leads to the worst part of the job: dealing with the floor buffer's family.

(House sends the janitor to get the family to sign a consent form, dressed as a doctor. The family realizes this, thanks to Cuddy).
Ben: He's a janitor?!
House: More significantly, a blabbermouth.
Cuddy: House, shut up!

Wilson: I thought this was gonna be fun. I mess with you, you mess with me. Eventually, you give in. But you've shown a startling lack of humor, which got me thinking.
House: Oh, god.
Wilson: What's the real reason you won't hire a team?
House: I told you, I don't need a team.
Wilson: Then hire three people and let 'em sit on their a***s.
House: That wouldn't be right.
Wilson: Three years ago, you hired a team. What's changed?
House: I've become a man of principle. I've gotten smarter. What answer will make Socrates shut up?

(House's guitar goes missing. House pays Wilson a visit).
House: Give it back.
Wilson: What happened? Did someone... kidnap your guitar? Your twelve thousand dollar 1967 Flying V? Or something?
House: Where'd you hide it?
Wilson: I'm flattered you would consider me this bold and brilliant.
House: Yeah, it takes a cri- (Stops talking as he notices that pieces of the newspaper that Wilson is reading have been clipped out). It takes a criminal mastermind to pull off a heist from an unlocked, unguarded room down the hall. What do you want?
Wilson: Me? Nothing. But I'm sure the kidnapper wants what every kidnapper wants. To see you interview five to seven well qualified fellowship candidates.
House: I don't need a team.
Wilson: You were bouncing ideas off a janitor.
House: And solved the case!

(House decides to give in, in order to get his guitar back).
House: Just give me the damn resumes and my guitar.
Wilson: I don't have it. Although I did hear some plangent strumming from under that couch earlier. (House checks under the couch. Nothing). WWow. This kidnapper isn't just bold, he's diabolical. I guess he realized he probably shouldn't give it back to you until after you've had the interviews.

Cuddy: Have you even interviewed anybody?
House: You test drive a car before you buy it, you have sex before you get married... I can't hire a team based on a ten minute interview. What if I don't like having sex with them?

Cuddy: You've spent the last two weeks doing absolutely nothing. Concert is over.
House: In what twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as absolutely nothing?
Cuddy: Take the case or you will spend the next month helping the collapse team change bandages.

Cuddy: Twenty six year old female. She was pulled out of the rubble after six hours. Two surgeries for multiple fractures and burns.
House: I'm thinking the broken bones are a response to the building falling on her head.

Please click the episode to see the quotes for that episode. If we are missing a favorite quote of yours, please contact us.

The number in parentheses the episode number in the overall series and not just this season.

1 (71). Alone
Originally aired on September 25, 2007.

2 (72). The Right Stuff
Originally aired on October 2, 2007.

3 (73). 97 Seconds
Originally aired on October 9, 2007.

4 (74). Guardian Angel
Originally aired on October 23, 2007.

5 (75). Mirror, Mirror
Originally aired on October 30, 2007.

6 (76). Whatever it Takes
Originally aired on November 6, 2007.

7 (77). Ugly
Originally aired on November 13, 2007.

8 (78). You Don't Want to Know
Originally aired on November 20, 2007.

9 (79). Games
Originally aired on November 27, 2007.

10 (80). It's a Wonderful Lie
Originally aired on January 29, 2008.

11 (81). Frozen
Originally aired on February 3, 2008.

12 (82). TBD
Originally aired on February 5, 2008.