Originally aired on May 29, 2007.

House: (Speaking to Esteban, the patient's husband). I'd better not hear you praying! I don't wanna have to fight for credit on this.

House: How come God gets credit when anything good happens?

Wilson: Nice try.
House: Nice tries are worthless.

Wilson: You don't answer your phone anymore.
House: I'm world famous now. Press won't leave me alone.
Wilson: It's Cuddy.
House: I know. If it was the press, I'd be answering.

House: (Speaking to Esteban). You came a long way to see me. You want to put her life in God's hands or mine?

House: You know how many little boys are praying for jet packs? How many priests are praying for... um, well... that one actually works.

Cameron: Her blood pressure's rising.
House: Mine is too. Of course, I am doing battle with the deity.

Wilson: You are not good with change.
House: That used to be true, but I changed.
Wilson: He's not afraid to be you. He's afraid to be what he thinks you are.

Esteban: Dr. House?
House: You can vacuum later.
Esteban: I'm not the janitor!

Esteban: I came a thousand miles to see him!
Chase: He doesn't care. I'm sorry, but that's who he is. That's who you risked your life to see. And you made the right choice.

Wilson: I told you to show Foreman you had a heart. How does that translate into you being a b******?

House: If there is one thing that Castro is good at, it's how to look great in green. If there are two things he's good at, it's how to look great in green and train doctors.

(Cameron gives Foreman a gift in light of him leaving).
Cameron: I'll miss you. I know you won't miss me, but I just thought it would be nice for you to have that.
Foreman: I will miss you.
(Foreman gives Cameron a hug).
House: Can I have a hug, too?

House: Sorry you're in the wrong room. My name on the door, my team, my decisions!
Cuddy: My building, my floor, my people!
(Telephone rings).
House: Hold that reprimand.

House: What if it wasn't human error. What if it was God's error?

House: Foreman's not as easy as Cameron, but of course, who is?
Cameron: I'm in the room.

House: Hey, we know what the problem is.
Esteban: You mean "was."
House: Hey, it’s my first tongue.

(After being called by Esteban in the middle of the night).
House: Who gave an angry Cuban my home number?

Cameron: Hi, it's Tuesday.
Chase: No, it's Monday.
Cameron: I know, I just didn't feel like waiting.

(Foreman comes to see House to say good bye).
Foreman: Well, this is it. I appreciate the opportunity you gave me.
House: Didn't do it for you. Thought you were the best guy for the job.
Foreman: Thanks. I guess.
House: Which is why I want you to stay. You're an important part of the team, I need you.
Foreman: I know. But, I don't need you, and I definitely don't want to be you. You're miserable.
House: I just solved a case by predicting a never before seen heart defect. Case you couldn't solve. Case you gave up on. I couldn't be happier.
Foreman: For two minutes maybe, until the next case comes along, until you're jonesing for your next fix. This woman talks while in full cardiac arrest and you're more excited about the talking than the heart dying.
House: The two were connected.
Foreman: I don't want to solve cases, I want to save lives.
House: Do you think she cares? Do you think the husband cares? Do you think the children she can now have because of me are going to care why I saved her?
Foreman: I care.
House: About yourself. About your own ego! You're the selfish b******, not me.

House: (Speaking about Foreman). He wants to not be me.
Wilson: Because you're a cold hearted bastard without any regard for anyone but yourself.
House: He's right.

House: (Speaking to Chase on the telephone). Thank you. You are indispensable. Uh... you're still fired. (Hangs up the phone). Wow, that was awkward!

House: How can we tell him there's no hope if we don't know why there's no hope?

House: In case no one's filled you in, today is Monday, which means you've been dead for a day. That kind of symptom comes back, it can get serious.

(Cameron gives House can envelope).
House: Better be naked pictures.
Cameron: It's my resignation letter. I've got all I can from this job.
House: What do you expect me to do? Break down and apologize? Beg Chase to come back?
Cameron: No, I expect you to do what you always do. I expect you to make a joke, go on. I expect you to be just fine. I'll miss you.

Marina: Is this Heaven?
House: No, it's New Jersey.

House: Just one more surgery and you'll be fine.
Marina: Thank God.
House: Don't make me slap you.

Originally aired on May 15, 2007.

House: And I wouldn't have taken your bishop. I'd have moved my queen to D6, defusing the threat. Then rook to E8, attacking the king's pawn. I'd have lost the exchange, but won the game.
Nate: I know. I was bluffing. And that's why you lost.

House: Bird's Opening. Passive approach. Sign of a coward.
Nate: Sicilian Defense. Sign of an idiot.

House: Arrogance has to be earned. Tell me what you've done to earn yours.
Nate: I can walk.
House: I don't bleed out of my penis.

Chase: He's got a partial HPRT enzyme deficiency. Means he could have Kelley-Seegmiller syndrome.
Cameron: But it's a partial deficiency. So it may not be Kelley-Seegmiller.
House: Yes, those are the two options. It is or it isn't.

Nate: So, you want me to explain how you just lost or do you want to stare at the board your full three minutes - clinging to hope?

House: (Speaking to Cuddy). You are one evil cunning woman. It's a massive turn on.

Cameron: What about ruptured dermoid cyst?
House: (Takes an odd step). Sorry, just got dizzy there. I was expecting to turn right. It's Foreman's turn to be shot down.

House: I like this kid.
Chase: You haven't met him.
House: I know you don’t like him. What else do I need to know?

Chase: And it's Tuesday.
Cameron: I know.
Chase: I like you.
Cameron: I know. See you next Tuesday.

Nate: Age before cripple. I'm white.

Foreman: Nate went medieval on the other kid. Could be-
House: Hold on! I'm having a moment. This... this could be Foreman's last time mistakenly suggesting an adrenal gland tumor.

House: Look, you got two choices. Engage me in a futile argument then do what I ask or just do what I asked.

House: Oh, almost forgot. I need to give a 16 year old magic mushrooms to treat a cluster headache. Is that cool?
Cuddy: (Sarcastically). No problem.
(House leaves her and she chases after him).
Cuddy: I was being sarcastic.
House: Wouldn't look that way in the court transcript.

Cuddy: (Speaking to Foreman). I'll double your salary.
Foreman: Chase and Cameron would mutiny if they found out.
Cuddy: Chase and Cameron wouldn't be heading up their own diagnostic group. You'll work in parallel with House. It'll be your practice. Separate staff, separate cases. Complete autonomy.
Foreman: I've only been doing this for three years.
Cuddy: Three years under House. No better training.
Foreman: And when that case comes along that I can't figure out? You know who I'd have to go to.
Cuddy: Or you can just let that patient die. That's completely up to you.

House: Kid's not a cliché. Anyone can get in a fight after losing. It takes real creativity to beat up someone you just beat.

House: (Speaking to Cameron). If you want to curry favor with me, avoid discussions of other men's testicles.

Nate: Hey, Dr. X, I know you've busted a** trying to save me.
Foreman: It's all right.
Nate: I wasn't going to thank you. I was gonna tell you you really suck at this.
Foreman: We’re doing our best.
Nate: That's sort of my point. Your best really sucks.

Cuddy: You killed Foreman's job interview.
Wilson: Why would I-
Cuddy: Somebody did. Wasn't me and it wasn't House, which means it has to be somebody who thought he was protecting House, which means it has to be someone who actually likes House, which means it's either you or the weird, night janitor who wears his pants backwards.
Wilson: I want Foreman to leave. House has to realize he needs someone who stands up to him. Cameron is in love with him, Chase is afraid of him and I enable him. House needs limits.
Cuddy: I give him limits.
Wilson: You authorize magic mushrooms.

Nate: So, do people watch what they say around you?
Foreman: Because I'm black?
Nate: No, because you're gay.

Nate: Who are you?
House: Dr. McCaney.

Chase: You sabotaged Foreman's job interview. Didn't you?
House: Foreman already went over this. It wasn't me.
Chase: Everybody's chasing ghosts over this, which means either nobody did or someone wants everybody chasing ghosts and who does that sound like?
House: Why would I do that?
Chase: Because as long as Foreman thought you were guilty, he'd been useless around here.
House: Sometimes I forget why I hired you.

Chase: Does your head hurt?
Nate: Are you an idiot?
Nate's Mom: Nate!
Nate: I'm clenching my head in pain and he asks if it hurts. (Speaking to Chase). What are you, some kind of med student? You look like you still have themed birthday parties.

Originally aired on May 8, 2007.

House: Aha! You yawned!
Wilson: Aha! You tried to kill me!

House: Depression manifests in lots of different ways. Some people can't get out of bed all day. Others have serial relationships and become oncologists.

House: What would you think of me hiring a nutritionist instead of a neurologist. They sound almost the same.
Wilson: I take it you’ve met a hot nutritionist.
House: Don’t cheapen this.

Chase: Why's Foreman quitting?
House: He wants to breed llamas.

(Foreman laughs at a joke that House tells).
Chase: You don't want to leave this job. Three years you've been here, you've never once laughed at anything he's said.
Foreman: Because I wasn't kissing his a**.
Chase: But now you are? No. Now you're nervous. Uncomfortable about your decision. It wasn't even that good a joke.
House: Oh crap.
Chase: Most of your jokes are excellent, I just meant in comparison.
House: Shut up.

House: You're cheating on Honey.
Patient: What? No! I'm not.
House: Yes, you are.
Honey: It's OK. I get it.
House: I was gonna say "relax", but oddly enough you seem pretty relaxed already.
Honey: You're accomplished. You're funny. You can have whatever you want. Women are gonna-
House: He's not cheating with another woman. He's cheating with another food group.
Honey: What?
House: His floaters float, because they are full of fat. Probably had a big cheeseburger for lunch.
Honey: You're eating flesh?
Patient: It's just a hamburger. Not all the time.
Honey: You're disgusting.
Patient: Soy tastes like cardboard. Unsalted cardboard.
House: I'm accomplished. I'm funny. Can I have whatever I want?

(House's team is busy when Cuddy breaks them up to ask House and Foreman into her office for a meeting).
Cameron: What's going on?
House: Feel free to speculate among yourselves.
(Once they are in her office, Cuddy turns discussion to Foreman's resignation).
Cuddy: Are you sure?
Foreman: Yeah.
Cuddy: Why?
House: He's afraid of turning into me.
Cuddy: Well, that's a good enough reason. Sign here. (After he signs the resignation papers). Good luck.
Foreman: Thank you.
House: That's it? You're not going to tell him that we're a family and families don't abandon each other?
Cuddy: You want me to?
House: No.
Cuddy: Would it make any difference?
Foreman: No.
Cuddy: Good luck, Dr. Foreman.
(Cuddy hugs Foreman while Cameron and Chase have watched this whole thing unfold, but have been unable to hear anything. House and Foreman now return to them).
House: So, where were we? The speculation. The palace intrigue. The rising self doubts. Did Foreman get a promotion?
Foreman: I resigned.
Cameron: What?
House: Personally, I can't believe I've had the same three employees for three years.
Chase: Patient could have a heart problem.
House: Yes. Life goes on. Look at the eager beaver combing his hair."

Wilson: You don't want to end up like you.
House: Good point. Can I resign?

House: I'm on anti-depressants 'cause a doctor friend of mine thinks I'm miserable. I don't like them. They make me feel hazy. I eat meat. I like drugs. And I'm not always faithful to the women I date.
Honey: You don't seem depressed.
House: You do realize you just skipped over several deep character flaws that most women would run screaming from.
Honey: You told the truth.
House: Yeah. I don't always do that either.
Honey: Well, how miserable can you be saving lives, sleeping around and doing drugs?
House: Were you on the debating team in high school?

Wilson: He (House) wants you to stay!
Foreman: He said that?
Wilson: If I say he said that, would that make a difference?

House: (Speaking about a patient's immune system). Maybe it fought for a while and after a couple of rounds it gave up.
Chase: Why would it give up?
House: Maybe it's name is Foreman.

Wilson: You could try bargaining with him (Foreman) - give him a raise.
House: How much do you think it would cost to make him want to be like me?

Wilson: How did you walk with the cane and two coffees?
House: Why are you suspicious?
Wilson: 'Cause it's either that or accept the fact that you've done something nice. Then I have to deal with the Horsemen, the Rain of Fire and the End of Days.
House: You think I spat in yours?
Wilson: Or worse.

Chase: So, why are you leaving. Or is it just some sort of power play?
Foreman: You can have my parking space and my locker.
Chase: Is it about House?
Foreman: Let me get all sensitive and confide in you.
Chase: Why wouldn't you want to tell me?
Foreman: I don't like you. Never have, never will. You want me to share some more?
Chase: Even if you do hate me, if you found another job, you'd tell me. If House did something to drive you out of here, you'd tell me. The fact that you won't tell me means that whatever the real reason is, you're ashamed of it.

Foreman: You're happy about this.
Cameron: She's going to die.
House: That's not my fault. She was gonna die anyway. Now, thanks to me, at least she'll know why.
Chase: I'm sure you'll see that gratitude in her eyes when you tell her.

House: My patient's about to have a heart attack. It's going to be massive.
Cuddy: That's too bad, because I’ve got tickets to a stroke on the third floor.

House: No one writes tamoxifen like you.
Wilson: Well, I use a G.

Chase: Labs indicated minute traces of blood.
House: You can't ignore the blood because it's a minority - can we, Foreman?

Kyle: It’s about my bowel movements.
House: What isn’t these days?

Chase: Addie has goosebumps.
Foreman: Oh, no recovering from those babies.

House: I was about to examine her boyfriend’s rectum.
Wilson: You asked for a date while your finger was in her boyfriend.
House: Got a number.

(House is asking Wilson about him being on anti-depressants).
Wilson: It's personal.
House: How long's it been personal?
Wilson: It's personal.
House: The yawning's recent so either you just started or you changed prescription.
Wilson: This is why I take them.
House: They're anti-depressants, not anti-annoyanceants.

Wilson: (On speed). You know he wants you, you know he's good, you know he can make you good. I don't know what I'm saying. You don't... I don't... you know what I'm saying and you know I'm right. I gotta go.

Originally aired on May 1, 2007.

House: How old is Hector?
Cameron: Our patient's name is Matty. His brother's Nick.
Wilson: Hector's my dog. He's about seventeen.
House: Seventeen? That's like a hundred and nineteen in human years. Why's he still alive?

Wilson: I treat patients for months, maybe years, not weeks likes you. If they don't trust me, I can't do my job.
House: The only value of that trust is you can manipulate them.
Wilson: You should write greeting cards.
House: Giving parents the chance to make a bad choice was a bad choice.
Wilson: At least it would have been their choice.
House: One they'd regret at their son's funeral.

Foreman: I want to recheck the national marrow registry for an alternate donor.
House: In case we're wrong?
Foreman: It's been known to happen.

Wilson: How, exactly, does a dog unscrew a bottle of pills?
House: Is that a riddle?

House: Cool.
Cane Store Person: Genuine bull penis stretched over a metal rod.
House: Penis canes are murder.

House: Any more questions while your son's life slips away?

Cameron: (Eyeing House's new cane). Flames?
House: Makes it look like I'm going faster.

House: Wow, he sure is hurting.
Scott: Nurses said he maxed out on his pain meds.
House: If I had a nickel for every time I've heard that.

House: I’m sorry.
Wilson: OK.
(Pause).
House: You're pathetic. I didn't actually mean that.
Wilson: Yes, you did.
House: No, I didn’t. To infinity.
Wilson: Yes, you did. You're pathetic.

House: I've got no problem with what Foreman did.
Wilson: He undercut us and he may have cost that kid his life.
House: Foreman did what he thought was right. You on the other hand sucked out. When the decision really mattered, you didn't have the guts to tell them what to do. If that kid dies, it's because Foreman was wrong and because you're a coward.

House: You want to catch a movie?
Wilson: It's one in the morning.
House: I know a place. Although I wouldn’t recommend wearing those shoes.

House: Once we know what the infection is, we'll know exactly how to treat it. As long as he isn't dead yet, we're cool.

(Wilson and House leave a patient's room after Wilson gives them advice that supports House's theory).
House: That was awesome!
Wilson: Shut up.
House: I gotta start pretending the care.
Wilson: I did exactly what Cuddy told us not to do.
House: No, you didn't. You did exactly what she told me not to do. You're completely in the clear.

House: You're not protecting your choices; you're soothing your conscience.
Wilson: By that logic a sociopath would make the best patient advocate in the world.
House: Am I blushing?

House: You're a sneaky b******. Any ideas how we get around this?
Chase: Court order.
House: That’s hardly sneaky.

House: Hey, you're not going to believe what happened. Wilson just killed a kid the same way you did. He didn't look both ways before he nuked.
Wilson: He's not dead.
House: Five days are gonna fly by.

House: You have only one decision to make. You can leave here with one dead son or two.

Wilson: Why don't you buy your canes at a medical supply store like a normal cripple?
House: Fewer bit**in' choices.

Cane Store Person: This is one of our top sellers.
House: A little too "Marilyn Manson in the retirement home."

(House returns to his home after purposefully leaving the door open so that Hector the dog could run away).
House: Oh, goodness! I left my door open! My poor dog must've run away and been hit by a car, or truck or train an anvil.
(House looks and finds that Hector is still in the house).
House: (Sarcastically). Thank God, your still here. He's still here!

Cuddy: Do you have anything to add to this debate?
House: Wilson's right, Foreman's wrong and your shirt is way too revealing for the office.

House: What is the point in being able to control people if you won't actually do it? It’s like training a dog and then letting him go on your rug.

Wilson: How many hours a day do you have to spend with someone before they're basically family?
House: Good point. But, first, I gotta tell Cameron and Chase that they're violating God's will.
Wilson: I'm just asking you to have an adult conversation to let him know—
House: He did a good job? He knows it. Adults don't need adult conversations. Just like I don't need this conversation.

Foreman: I'm not like you. A patient died because you were distracted over the death of your dad. I made a calculated decision. You acted like a human being. I acted like... House.

House: Ten thousand possible infections, at least 20 minutes per test, take you approximately eight years.
Foreman: Actually, four months, assuming the last one I test is the right one. If it's the first, it'll take me approximately 20 minutes.
Wilson: He's right, it's worth a shot.
House: He's timid. Testing blindly is not gonna save this kid.
Foreman: But, standing around here will.

House: You did good.
Foreman: I did what you would have.
House: Well, maybe I'm biased but—
Foreman: I tortured the kid.
House: Because you knew it was right. You knew you were saving his brother.
Foreman: I know. I don't like that I know. I hate that I can listen to a kid screaming in pain and not even take a moment to question whether I'm doing the right thing. I hate that in order to be like you as a doctor, I have to be like you as a human being. I don't want to turn into you.
House: You're not. You've been like me since you were eight years old.
Foreman: You'll save more people that I will. But I'll settle for killing less. Consider this my two weeks notice.

Originally aired on April 24, 2007.

Wilson: (Speaking to House). I’m not getting sucked into the vortex of your insanity again. Do not pass me notes in class, do not make me ask her to the prom.

Lupe: No one’s as good as he thinks he is.
House: I am.

House: James Wilson is never the safe choice.
Cuddy: We're going to a gallery. We're not getting married.
House: Well, sure, you say that now. He always marries them in the end.

House: You find the toxins, you run your bubble study. You won't find anything, but I'll get the office to myself. There's a lot of porn piling up on the internet. Doesn't download itself.

Wilson: She (Cuddy) enjoyed the play. I enjoyed her enjoying the play. The woman works hard. It's nice to see her relax.
House: So all this enjoying is an act of charity?
Wilson: I'm keeping the receipts for tax purposes.

(Foreman is talking with a patient that will die in part because of a mistake that he has made).
Lupe: I never did much. No kid to leave behind. When I go the world's not gonna be any different. Kind of a relief for you, huh?
Foreman: You were right about me. I, uh, I had a problem with you. But, you were wrong, too. I've made some bad decisions. Stole cars, robbed houses.
Lupe: Killed a woman."
Foreman: But, then I got another chance. I left home. Went to college. Entered a whole other world. But, some part of me I can't get rid of always thinks if I'm not the smartest, if I'm not the first, everywhere I go, they'll figure out I'm not supposed to be here. They'll send me back.
Lupe: You know that's not going to happen. You're out.
Foreman: I'll never be out of there. That was the last time I ever felt at home. I only put distance between you and me because I know there isn't any.
Foreman: "No." He is holding her hand and she starts holding back.

Chase: Foreman's got personality issues, so you’re going to step in?
House: Patient doesn’t like Foreman, I'm interested.

House: First, "Hector does go rug" is a lame anagram. You want a better one for Gregory House? Huge ego, sorry.

Cuddy: I needed a friend and I thought Wilson was a safe choice.
House: I’m not safe? Cool.

Cuddy: I like art. I'm open to new things. What's the problem?
House: You're going to a gallery to see Venezuelan pictures that don't exist, but you won't go to a play with me! Why?
Cuddy: House, why is my social life suddenly red hot? One minute I'm mushing along with the huskies, as usual and suddenly it's global warming. You'd think you saw somebody else pick up a toy from the sand box and suddenly you want it.

House: (Speaking to Foreman). Go home, have a few drinks, go to sleep, get up tomorrow and do it all over - only better. If you need absolution, go to a priest or give alms to the poor. Whatever ritual comforts you.
Foreman: I killed her.
House: Yeah, me too.
Foreman: This wasn't, "Oh, I should have thought of that idea sooner." This wasn't messing up a dosage. We see a disease rushing down on someone like a train, we can't always get them out of the way. This wasn't that.
House: No. And you'll do it again. For a lot of doctors, this would be a once in a lifetime mistake. But, we're not a lot of doctors. We must've saved more patients than the guy down the street. But, a few of the ones that he'll save by doing what everyone else does, we will lose.
Foreman: So, you're giving me numbers.
House: 'Cause they don't lie. I can't forgive you, Foreman, because there's nothing to forgive.

Originally aired on April 17, 2007.

(Cameron and Chase are arguing).
House: Hey! Don't make me turn the hose on you two.

House: Someone better be dying.
Cameron: Lucy's brother has a crush on me, so he bit the hell out of Chase.
House: Not interested.
Chase: Figured you would like to know when one of your employees gets attacked by a sociopath.
House: Bees or monkeys, yes. Sociopaths, no.

Chase: For the record, Cameron was the one that broke it off.
Foreman: Not interested. No masses in the hypothalamus.
Chase: I wanted more. She didn't share my feelings.
Foreman: I feel like I'm in a similar position.

Wilson: It is possible to have a friend of the opposite sex without-
House: Blasphemer! She's not a friend of the opposite sex. She's a different species. She's an administrator. She's going to eat your head after she's done.
Wilson: Yes, I slept with her.
House: Seriously?
Wilson: No.
House: Yes, you did.
Wilson: Yes, I did.
House: Seriously?
Wilson: No. You've got a problem, House.

Chase: If he's abusing her, he'll never say yes.
House: Never is just "reven" spelled backwards.

House: You guys are idiots.
Cameron: Why? Because we stayed up all night doing exactly what you told us to do?
House: No. Because you stayed up all night doing exactly what I told you to do and you have nothing to show for it.
Foreman: We eliminated dozens of wrong anwers.
House: I asked you what two plus two equals, and a day later you tell me, "not 25."

Cameron: If menstruating is a sign of brain cancer, then I should be on chemo right now.

Cuddy: (Gives House a file). Restrictive Pericarditis.
House: Boring.
Cuddy: She's in kindergarten.
House: Less boring or Grandma's been held back a few years.

House: Guy gets a little something something. Couple of kids have to die. Circle of life.

House: (Speaking to Cuddy). Stop! The way the soft evening light catches your eyes. The gentle caress of dusk on your hair as you turn around and leave my office without giving me the file.

House: Dudes only go to plays if they’re dragged there by women they want to see naked.

(Wilson: is pretending to decide what to do after Cuddy sent him flowers he knows were really sent by House).
Wilson: I'm not going to say anything. I'm just going to walk into her office, and I'm going to kiss her.
House: That's a bold move. Cuddy likes bold. Yeah, your right, if you spoke, you'd say something stupid.
Wilson: Yeah, and I'll either get a girlfriend or get fired. OK. Yeah. OK.
(Wilson: waits a moment to see if House will stop him, but then he walks out. Shortly after, he walks back in).
Wilson: You, you you you! You were going to let me do that?
House: Well, you made a compelling argument.
Wilson: You sent those flowers to me!
House: Yes, because you took her to a play, because actually you do want to march down there and kiss her."
Wilson: No! I don't!
House: Yes, you do.
Wilson: You're right.
House: Seriously?
Wilson: No. You're a jerk.

Chase: Why'd you take the flower? Why'd you kiss him?
Cameron: He did something sweet.
Chase: He stole flowers.
Cameron: He's eight.
Chase: You were trying to make me jealous.
Cameron: Yeah, and I want you to profess your love for me. Oh, wait, you already did that and it caused me to end our relationship.
Chase: You're enabling a thief. And a delinquent!

Cameron: Can I at least-?
House: "Waste your time"? Wouldn’t recognize you if you didn’t.

Cameron: We wait and your daughter may die.
House: She does this, your daughter will need hormone replacement therapy for the rest of her life.
Cameron: The treatments are extremely effective. She should live a relatively normal life.
House: Isn't that every parent's dream? To have a kid to be relatively normal?

Cameron: You're intentionally punishing us.
House: By making you do your job? Does seem kinda cruel, doesn't it?

Cameron: She's being abused.
Foreman: A bloody t-shirt doesn't equal abuse. Kids get hurt all the time.
Chase: That amount of blood?
Foreman: Oh, crap! You two are agreeing again.

Originally aired on April 10, 2007.

House: Good point. On the other hand, I’m a board certified specialist in infectious disease. She assigns parking spaces.

Cuddy: What about syphilis?
House: Well, first of all, he apparently speaks a language that no one else speaks, which makes talking up the ladies a little rough.
Cuddy: We're flying out of Singapore. If he has a credit card and a condom, he can get anything he wants.

House: Look that way.
Joy: Why?
House: Because you're going to throw up and I don't want it on me.

House: Tell the pilot to dive until we can club baby seals out the window.

Joy: I can't be pregnant!
House: Are you a virgin?
Joy: No, but-
House: You're pregnant. Mazel tov.

House: Nobody on this flight speak Korean?
Cuddy: I thought you did.
House: I know how to ask if his sister's over 18. I don’t think that's going to help.

House: I need to get a better look at your rash.
Cuddy: Use your imagination.
House: Fine - shall I go with Lifeguard Cuddy or Mother Superior Cuddy?

House: Can you say "crikey, mate"?
Boy: crikey, mate.
House: Perfect. Now no matter what I say, you'll agree with me, OK?
Boy: OK.
House: Nicely done. You - disagree with everything I say.
Man: Sorry, not understand.
House: Close enough. (Speaking to Sour Faced Girl). And you get morally outraged by everything I say.
Woman: (After watching House write on the movie screen). That's permanent marker, you know.
House: Wow, you guys are good.

Cuddy: And the room service thing was just spiteful.
House: I was hungry
Cuddy: $300 for a bottle of wine.
House: I was thirsty.
Cuddy: $120 for video services.
House: I was lonely.
Cuddy: That's $500 in expenses I can't justify.
House: Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
Cuddy: Right.
(They are on the plane, in first class and House hands his ticket to the stewardess).
Stewardess: Welcome aboard, Mr. House. You're right here in 2A.
(Cuddy now passes her ticket to the stewardess).
Stewardess: Ms. Cuddy, you're in the next cabin and to the left - 9C.
Cuddy: No, I booked two first class tickets. This must be a mistake.
House: No mistake. Just arranged for a $500 fare reduction. Expense problem solved.

Kid: I want my blankie! I want my blankie!
House: Give her 20 milligrams of antihistamines. It could save her life. Because if she doesn't shut up, I'll kill her.

Keo: I just wanted to say thank you.
House: You're extremely welcome.
Keo: I'm in New York every Monday.
House: Are you handicap accessible?

House: You're mean.
Cuddy: It’s how I compensate for being weak and soft.

House: I’m trying to listen to you now, so shut up.

Foreman: Anything else you two guys wanna agree on?
Chase: Do you have a problem with us agreeing?
Foreman: No, I have a problem with the other thing you do, which makes me question your motive for agreeing!

House: It (hysteria) happens often in high anxiety situation, especially to women. Now it sounds sexist, but science says you’re weak and soft. What can I do?

House: I believe in statistics. Two hundred passengers on the plane. Ten should be gay, two should be with child and one should be incredibly annoying with an extra a** chromosome.

Originally aired on April 3, 2007.

Cameron: My social life is my social life!
House: Couldn't agree more. What goes on in the privacy of the janitor's closet is nobody's business except-
Cameron: She (Cuddy) told me to end it. Is that what you want?
House: I was actually hoping she'd fire one of you.

House: So you take thousands of photos of someone, but only one has to look good. Kind of the opposite of my business.

Cameron: Anybody going to stop her (Cuddy)?
Chase: Stopping the madness is her job.
Foreman: Somebody’s got to be Cuddy’s Cuddy.

House: I know you can't talk, so I need you to look petrified if you consent.

Cuddy: I have a whole new appreciation for what you do. How hard it is to believe when everyone around you is telling you you're wrong?
House: It helps to know they're idiots.
Cuddy: Do you think I’m an idiot?
House: You’re not objective, but you’re not an idiot.

(During the operation, the fetus' hand grabs House's finger. He stops, looking at it.)
Cuddy: House.
House: Sorry. I just realized I forgot to TiVo "Alien".

Cameron: That was weird.
Chase: He was the way he always is.
Cameron: Which is weird. He caught us with your hand up my shirt. He's gotta have a reaction to that. You think that's what the vacation is?
Chase: Yes. The pain of losing you is obviously forcing him away.
Cameron: There's no way House just lets this slide. He's gotta be planning something.
Chase: Maybe he just doesn't give a crap.
Cameron: You think he just stumbled into that closet? He knew we were there. And he wanted us to know that he knew.
Chase: Or you wanted him to know. Now he does and you're annoyed because he doesn't care.

House: Mom's body is like the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. She gets pregnant, it's like a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things. Bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews.
Chase: Ah... who are the Jews in this metaphor?

House: Even fetuses lie.

Cameron: Transesophageal echo.
Chase: Can't access his esophagus.
Foreman: High resolution CT could give us a clearer-
Chase: Too much radiation for a one pound person.
House: You can't just shoot everything down, Chase. You're not me. Collaborate.
Chase: A ventilation perfusion scan would be next.
House: How do we get a fetus to breathe in a radioactive isotope? Idiot.

Cuddy: (Speaking about Cameron and Chase). They're sleeping together?
House: If by sleeping together you mean having sex in the janitor's closet.
Cuddy: Here?!
House: No, the janitor's closet at the local high school. Go Tigercats! Do you have one of those camera phones? 'Cause I got a MySpace account.

Cameron: I've read that the outcome of Mirror Syndrome is almost always unfavorable.
House: Unfavorable... is that doctor speak for dead baby?

Cuddy: If you're playing catch in the living room and you break your mother's vase, you may as well keep playing catch because the vase is already broken.

Cuddy: The baby won't feel a thing.
House: Fetus! I'm lowering expectations. It works here and on dates.

House: (Speaking about a vacation in the Galapagos). Visiting family. My uncle's a giant turtle.

House: My real patient is dying, very quickly - like, I wouldn't advise her to buy any green bananas.

(Foreman, Cameron and Chase study a photo of House that was taken by Emma).
Foreman: This is definitely different.
Chase: It looks almost like...
Cameron: ... he's caring.

Cameron: You're insane.
House: I'm an insane genius.

House: Oh, look! Sticking up for your girlfriend. Who says chivalry is dead?
Foreman: (Speaking to Cameron). He's not joking?
House: Be patient. She's going through all of us. She'll get that jungle fever eventually.

House: What would we do if this patient were not just a tadpole? Say it was an actual person.
Cuddy: He is a person.
House: Thanks for playing along.

Emma: So this really worked. He¹ll be normal?
House: Um... if you call being born twice, normal.
Emma: Hey, thank you.
House: Don¹t thank me. I would have killed the kid.

Originally aired on March 27, 2007.

House: And you call the uncle back. Find out if he ever brought his nephew to any hospital parties or fundraisers.
Cameron: No. Not until you give me a reason.
House: Because I'm your boss?

House: And find out every hospital and clinic he's ever visited, every city he's ever lived in and whether he's ever been on TV.
Cameron: TV?
House: The problem could be neurological - everyone knows TV rots your brain.

Wilson: I'm guessing you're longing for either a renewed relationship with your dad or a new relationship with one of the Village People.
House: He was in the Navy, not the Marines.
Wilson: I thought your dad was in the Marines.
House: The guy in the Village People.
Wilson: Actually, he's only in the Navy when they sing "In the Navy." The rest of the time he's just in generic fatigues.
(House looks at him).
Wilson: What? You brought it up!

House: I can play the harmonica with my nose, make a penny come out of a child's ear or any other orifice for that matter and, under the right circumstances, I could bring two women into simultaneous ecstasy.
Wilson: The right circumstance being their agreement to bill you on the same credit card.

Cuddy: You're supposed to be on clinic duty.
House: Like I can sleep down there with all the crying and coughing.

Cuddy: Did you just take two Vicodin?
House: No, it’s an anti-depressant. I was told to take two every time you walked in the door.

Foreman: Why'd you take this case?
House: Because a good scientist continually questions his own theories and assumptions.
Cameron: Cuddy's making him.
House: Now, I'm making you.

Cuddy: That ship sailed long ago, House. Get over it.
House: If you’re still referring to your a**, I think "that supertanker sailed" would be a more precise metaphor.

Cuddy: How is he?
House: He's dead.
Cuddy: Oh God.
House: At least he will be in a few days.

House: There is no medicine like happiness. Except maybe laughter. Or rubber tubes shoved up your urethra.
Wilson: You cathed yourself?
House: It wasn’t so bad after the first... I don't know - nine or ten inches. Cath relieved the spasm. I'm as good as new.
Wilson: Of course, just a minor spasm in a muscle you've been using multiple times a day without any problem for the past 45 years. Not a major side effect caused by the overuse of a particular narcotic painkiller.
House: Yeah, that was my thought, too.
Wilson: So, no reason to think about cutting back on your use of that particular pill.
House: Thank God. Actually it was a triple dose of the good stuff that allowed me to finally get some sleep and solve the case. The pills made all my dreams come true.

House: I've been thinking about you. You lied.
Cuddy: I didn't lie, I simply chose not to share completely irrelevant facts.
House: Like the fact that you lied. No wonder I couldn't place his face - you were practically swallowing it on the dance floor.
Cuddy: I was not.

Foreman: House'll do Wilson before you do Chase.
Cameron: No. You will do House and Wilson before I do Chase. Now can we get back to work?
Chase: She did me once.
Foreman: She was stoned!

House: I’ve got a full bladder and I'm not afraid to use it.

Cameron: Were we walking you to the bathroom?
House: I wish. Wilson was just in there - these guys know what I’m talking about.

Cuddy: Get over me.
House: Give me a break. You hired me.
Cuddy: 'Cause you're a good doctor who couldn't get himself hired at a blood bank, so I got you cheap.

Cameron: Do you really care or are you just trying to waste hospital resources to get back at Cuddy for making you take the case?
House: Of course I care, what a horrible thing to say.

Originally aired on March 6, 2007.

Cameron: You're just looking for a puzzle to distract you from your own situation.
House: You're right. He's dead. Let's go home.

House: Patrick, I want you to pretend that your leg is a piano.
Patrick: My leg isn't a piano.
House: I know, that's why I said "pretend." (Under his breath to Foreman). Kid’s a moron.

House: (Speaking to Cuddy after waking her up at home in the middle of the night). Lets say I'm the left side of Patrick's brain, I'm quick witted, I'm charming, I'm great looking. You're the right side of his brain. You're useless, old, damaged. We go to a bar for a drink. Now, I have the mad skills to be scoring all the hot babes, but instead, I'm spending my time wiping drool off your chin and making sure you don't eat the tablecloth.
Cuddy: What's the father want to do?
House: I don't know.
Cuddy: So, go wake him up. (She turns away and then turns back toward House). House, I'm so sorry.
House: Forgot I was dying, huh?
Cuddy: I'm here, if you need me.
House: I need you. (Cuddy smiles and hugs House and House grabs her backside as she does). One small feel for man. One giant a** for mankind.
Cuddy: Thanks. Good luck in Boston. (House starts to follow her and she notices). Call the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Cameron: Do you have any idea why House would wanna go to Boston?
Foreman: The chowder?
Cameron: Plane tickets, this Friday. I opened his mail. I heard there's an opening at Harvard for division chief, Infectious Disease.
Foreman: Ambition's not one of his more prominent traits.

House: Dude can't button his shirt. How much more damage are we really talking about?

House: This is going to be personal, isn't it?
Foreman: Yeah.
(House leaves the room).

Foreman: I need to say something.
House: Something personal?
Foreman: Yeah.
House: And I can't leave because you got something interesting in that file.
Foreman: Sorry. You're an arrogant a** who makes it impossible for anyone to like him, by punching people who don't deserve—
House: Can we get to the but part of this speech?
Foreman: But I like you.
House: No, you don't. You're just reacting to the perception of my death. You need to put things in order. Fear of guilt-
Foreman: Will you shut up?
House: See. I annoy you.

Foreman: You're right. I don't like you.
House: Sure, now that I'm not dying.

House: You two shower together?
Cameron and Chase:: (At the same time). No!
House: Double negative. It's a yes.

Wilson: I could set up a tower on the roof during a lightning storm, help you switch brains with your patient. Then you would be the brilliant pianist and he would be the doctor hiding brain cancer from his friend.
House: It’s nothing.
Wilson: You need to talk about it.
House: You need to talk about it.
Wilson: At least let me look at your medical file.
House: You’re making a big deal out of nothing. Who else knows?
Wilson: No one and cancer isn’t nothing.
House: Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend your specialty.

Cameron: This is a letter of recommendation. I'm applying for a job at Penn.
House: Thank you for writing your own. I'm sure my thoughts are beautifully phrased.
Cameron: Thank you for signing it. Saves me having to fake your signature.
House: Stay away from Weiss. He cries with his patients. Holds their hands as they die. He won't like you. Your new found nonchalance in the face of cancer.
Cameron: I thought you'd find it appealing.
House: Twenty seconds. Pretty good.
Cameron: For what?
House: Time it took you to go from hard a** to human being. You really wanna leave?
Cameron: : If you're not here, there's not much point of staying.
House: I'm not dead yet.
(Cameron moves closer to House).
House: What're you doing?
(Again, she moves closer).
House: I know this must be a turn on for you.
(Cameron kisses House, under the guise of stabbing him with a needle to draw blood. But, House catches her hand in the act).
House: Little whorish to kiss and stab.
Cameron: You kissed back.
House: I didn't want you to die without knowing the feeling. Actually, no woman should die without knowing the feeling.

House: (Speaking to Cameron). Foreman's and Chase:'s lips are not getting so close now that I know your plan.

House: (Speaking to Cameron). If you need a sperm sample, come back without the needle.

House: Your turn?
Chase:: Do you have to do that?
House: You mean, cheapen everyone's attempt at a human moment by identifying the real calculations that go into it?
Chase:: Yeah.
House: Yeah. I do.
Chase:: I'm sorry you're dying. I'm gonna hug you. Anything to say?
House: Well, if you're considering grabbing my a**, don't start anything you can't finish.

Originally aired on February 13, 2007.

Herrick: So, what does a dean of medicine do?
Cuddy: Oh, can we please not talk about that. I will talk about anything else, but I'm just trying to get away from work.
Herrick: Metaphorically. Because, geographically the coffee place around the corner from the hospital probably isn't the furthest you could get.

Nurse: I've planned a surprise getaway.
House: Get away.
Nurse: Mmmhmm.
House: Get away.
(Nurse pauses).
House: Get. Away.

Cuddy: There are only two reasons anyone would want to screw with me tonight. Either they're an altruistic, decent person who's worried about my well being. Or they want me for themself.
House: You left out the third option. Evil b****** who just wants to mess with other people's happiness.

Wilson: (Speaking to House). Is it possible for you to just watch me eat or do you get some primeval thrill from beating the other hunters to the food?

Foreman: Maybe Cuddy will say no.
Chase: Cuddy never says no.
Cameron: That's not true.
Chase: Nobody ever says no. We don't say no.
Foreman: You don't say no.
Chase: He'll come back, he'll browbeat us, he'll give us seven reasons and eventually we'll fold. We all will, not just me.

Hannah: Boys can't hold me for too long because I can overheat.
House: Girls can't hold me for too long because I only pay for an hour.

Hannah: I can't run anywhere without examining all my toes for swelling.
House: I can't run.

House: You two must have met online. Either that or you've got a friend who secretly hates you.
Herrick: Don Herrick. Yeah, we connected through singleballroomdancelovers.com.
House: Why would he volunteer that information?
Herrick: Why would I hide it?
House: (Speaking to Cuddy). You didn't tell him that anything he said will be held against you?

Cuddy: You heard the conversation. I'm not interested in [House].
Herrick: I don't blame you.
Cuddy: I only said those things so that he wouldn't come back.
Herrick: I don't really care about my job. I do it well, I provide service - but my goal was always to make enough money to do the things that I really like; music, travel.
Cuddy: I like those things, too.
Herrick: You like them but they're not really important to you. I don't know whether its House, your job or if you just thrive on conflict. But. you should hear yourself when you're talking to him. Nothing else in the world's going on. You're focused, confident, compelling. Don't - don't take this the wrong way, but I'd like to go out with that woman.

House: I was curious. Since I'm not a cat, that's not dangerous.
Wilson: I don't think that metaphor was designed to actually warn cats.

Foreman: We need you!
House: What did the nerve biopsy show?
Foreman: Never did it.
House: Well, then do it.
Foreman: Can't.
House: Why?
Foreman: She's going to jump off the lobby balcony.
House: You think I can catch her?

House: It's hard to fake pain when you've never felt it. Takes an imaginative leap, Ms. Morganthal. That's one of them Jew names. Ashkenazis are a higher risk group.
Foreman: On the other hand, she says she doesn't have it. And she'd be dead by now if she'd never been diagnosed.
House: They killed our Lord. You gonna trust them?

Chase: CIPA means she's insensitive to pain. She still has scattered nerve fibers that could conduct pain but the signals don't make it to the brain. What if we give her more pain signals? A lot more pain signals, maybe some of them will make it through.
Cameron: You wanna torture her?
Chase: No... yes. We do this to anybody else, it's torture. Doing it to her, is no different than pricking a finger.

Cameron: You weren't shot because of pain, you were shot because you're a jerk.
House: Some think the two are connected.

Chase: Happy Valentine's Day.
Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else - it's Wednesday.
Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.

Cameron: So I'm thinking we should have sex.
Chase: That makes sense.
Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs, there's no point in putting our lives on hold until love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people and we work together, so it's convenient.
Chase: Like microwave pizza?
Cameron: And, of all the people I work with, you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.
Chase: Like microwave pizza.

House: (Speaking to Cuddy). You could have left the scarf at home and just told him that you'd be wearing a look of desperation.

Foreman: The sacrifices you made were huge. But they were at the height of your love for him. Commitment is only commitment because it has no expiration date. You stand next to someone and watch them floss for 30 years like my parents have then ask for sacrifices. That's how you know the real thing. Cameron, I wasn't criticizing you. People who avoid commitment are people who know what a big thing it is.

House: Foreman, your girlfriend wants to know if you're available for Valentine's. Act surprised. What are you doing down here?
Foreman: The snowstorm. ER's short staffed. We're all supposed to be here - you're supposed to be here. You're an a**. Act surprised.

Hannah: I can't cry.
House: Neither can I.

Originally aired on February 6, 2007.

Chase: He's Romany. Apparently, they feel the need to keep secrets, so it's hard to know anything for sure.
House: Yeah, he's also a human being, which means you shouldn't be trusting him to begin with.

Judy: (Patient's mother, speaking to patient's girlfriend). He wouldn't even need to be here if not for you!
Leah: Yeah, I'm so unclean, I made his liver shut down!

Foreman: There's no leak!
House: Hey! You can’t yell at a guy in a wheelchair.

Wilson: Give it up, you're demeaning yourself.
House: That’s what they told Rosa Parks!

Chase: Is she hot?
Cameron: She's in a wheelchair.
Chase: Doesn't mean she's not hot.
House: Just means she can't bend over. So Cuddy has to bend over backwards.

Kate: I think he's learned his lesson.
House: Oh, I don't know, we better check. Jack, is your mommy a big fat idiot?
(Jack nods his head).
House: Well, what do you know? Guess you were right.

House: (Speaking loudly as to distract the patient's parents). No way Cuddy is going to gyp me.
Gypsy Father: What'd you say?
House: (Whispering to Wilson). I'll see you later. Gonna have them yelling at me for the next 20 minutes.

Cuddy: You can’t be serious.
House: Actually, I can. (Makes a frown). See?

House: (Speaking to Cuddy). If you wanna teach me lessons, don't make commitments you can't keep.

Whitner: They had to move me closer to the door.
House: Had to? You don't look like the type to pull a weapon.
Whitner: Wheelchair.
House: Cane. I think you should do the honorable thing - let me have my space back.
Whitner: Oh, well, since you asked so nicely - wheelchair.
House: Cane.

House: If they don't trust you, you should earn that lack of trust.

Cuddy: Your application for a handicap space says you can walk 50 yards.
House: And Whitner's says she can roll 50 miles between oil changes - I can't change my leg!
Cuddy: The space I moved you to is only 46 yards away from the front door. I measured; you'll be fine.
House: Great, so I can collapse four yards into the lobby instead of outside in the cold.
Cuddy: As long as it isn't in my office.

Cuddy: Pride goeth before the fall.
House: Lucky for me, I'm sitting in one of these babies.

House: You guys are still thinking like doctors. You should be thinking like plumbers. Come on, let me see some butt crack.

House: The only thing I hate more than a thief is a crippled thief.
Foreman: Yeah, me too.

House: Excuse me! Sorry, cripple coming through!

Wilson: Ah yes, if it isn't Dr. Ironside.
House: Ah, if it isn't Dr. "I had no friends when I was growing up, so all I did was watch TV by myself which is why I can now make constant pop cultural references which no one understands but me."
Wilson: That's my name, don’t wear it out.
House: Safe from Cuddy, but I guess not from her trusted rat-complice.

House: That space is mine. Veni, vidi, vici.

House: [The gypsies are] absolutely right. Stay away from the experimental stuff, much better to stick with the "moving the furniture until he gets better" approach.

Cameron: We were treating him for Wegener's when everything went wrong.
House: Not everything.
Foreman: Yeah, it was a very lovely day outside - on the other hand, the treatment made him worse.

Originally aired on January 30, 2007.

Patient: I have an STD?
House: No, but you will. Every person who comes in here has one thing in common. Having SWS. Sex While Stupid.

Wilson: She's looking to connect with you and that's what's scaring the hell out of you. Tell her the truth.
House: There is no truth.
Wilson: Are we role playing? Am I you? I don't wanna be you!

House: If we talk about nothing, nothing will change.
Eve: It might.
House: How?
Eve: Time. Time changes everything.
House: That's what people say. It's not true. Doing things changes things; not doing things leaves things exactly as they were.

House: (Speaking to a patient, after examining the inside of his nostril). It's beautiful! If my lawn were half as well maintained as that, pigeons wouldn't have the nerve to poop on it.
Patient: Good grooming is important.
House: Is that a shot?
Patient: People do judge you on your appearance. When you entered, I noted your shirt hadn't been pressed; you hadn't shaved in quite some time. I extrapolated you were a person for whom detail was not a major concern. I was worried you might apply that same standard in your work.
House: Do you use toe nail clippers up there?
Patient: They're longer, so they allow me to better reach the upper hairs.
House: I'm wearing a rumpled shirt and forgot to brush my hair this week. You've got athlete's foot in your nose. I'm ready to be judged.

Cuddy: How can we make this (clinic duty) more interesting for you?
House: How can we make the sky green? How can we make the tall short? You cannot make the uninteresting interesting.

(House has patient take his own pulse).
House: How many beats?
Patient: 26.
House: Either you suck at math or you're about to die in two seconds! (Waits). You suck at math!

House: How can I help you this beautiful morning?
Cuddy: You got any cases?
House: Three. I got a teenage, African-American lung transplant-
Cuddy: For the next few days you'll be doing nothing but clinic work.
House: I just said-
Cuddy: You're lying!
House: Then why'd you ask?
Cuddy: Because if you told the truth, I was only gonna give you one day of clinic duty.
House: That's dishonest. I refuse to participate in this-
Cuddy: You'll do it. You owe me. I kept you out of jail. I can put you back.
House: Perjurer.
Cuddy: Felon.

Cuddy: Is that Vicodin? What happened to rehab?
House: I got out.
Cuddy: Oh! It was a scam? You are going back to the clinic. Or jail.
House: You perjured yourself to keep me out of jail. How're you...?
Cuddy: I only did that because I thought you were getting clean.
House: So, it's do clinic duty or go to jail.
Cuddy: Yes.
House: Then it'll be finish your paperwork or go to jail. Help with fundrasing or go to jail. Do your job or go to jail. I think I'd rather go to jail.
Cuddy: You owe me.

House: I'm evil.
Eve: Evil people don't say they're evil.
House: That sounds like an easy loophole.

House: We are selfish based animals crawling across the earth, but 'cause we've got brains, if we try really hard, we can usually aspire to something that is less than pure evil.

Cuddy: She's gonna be OK.
House: Yeah, it's that simple.
Cuddy: She's talking about what happened. That's huge. You did good.
House: Everyone will tell you: That's what we gotta make her do. We gotta help her, right? Except we can't. Instead, we drag out her story and tell each other that'll help her heal. We feel real good about ourselves. Maybe all we've done is make a girl cry.
Wilson: Then why did you...?
House: Because, I don't know.
Wilson: You gonna follow up with her?
House: One day, one room.

Doctor: He swallowed a magnet. We gotta cut it out.
House: (Speaking to young patient). How old are you?
Patient: Eight.
House: And he swallowed something stuck to a fridge. Darwin says let him die.

Cuddy: Is that Vicodin?
House: Breathmint - thought you were going to kiss me.

House: If we were to care about every person suffering on the planet, life would shut down.