Originally aired February 20, 2006.

Wilson: (Speaking into a microphone to House who is getting an MRI). House, this is God.
House: Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time on Thursday?
Wilson: Let me check. Oh, I got a plague! How about Friday?
House: You'll have to check with Cameron.
Wilson: Oh! Damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time.
(Cuddy enters).
Cuddy: House-
House: Quick God, smite the evil witch!
Cuddy: Are you sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused by her father?
House: God, why have you forsaken me?

Cameron: Since when do you voluntarily go see patients?
House: Have you seen her?
Cameron: She's fifteen!
House: Yeah, but there's something about her, something in her eyes, a kind of maturity-
Cameron: Yeah, yeah, she's an old soul. This is creepy, even for you.

Foreman: There's no age limit on addiction.
House: (Eats a pill). He's right.

Wilson: Brilliant idea sending Stacy away. It's really done wonders for you.
House: Listen, none of this has anything to do with Stacy.
Wilson: Right. Giant coincidence you've gone completely off the rails since she left. Inducing migraines, worsening leg pain.
(House hits Wilson in the leg with his cane).
House: Aw, you miss Stacy, too?

House: Fine, arrest him. Use Cuddy's handcuffs.

Foreman: Why would your mind go to abuse so fast?
House: I had a funny uncle.
Foreman: You were abused?
House: What? No! Why'd your mind go to that so fast? I just had a funny uncle. Great stories, always filthy.

Originally aired February 14, 2006.

Foreman: House! You can't do this!
House: If I had a nickel for every time someone said that.

Wilson: This guy's name is Weber, not von Lieberman.
House: I call Weber "von Lieberman." Way eviler.

Cuddy: You induced a migraine headache in a coma patient?
House: Gave him a little headache, similar to the one you're giving me now.
Cuddy: Have you even read an ethical guideline?

Cameron: Could pain medicine cause an orgasm?
House: I wish.

Cameron: His brain is like a waiter that's got too many-
House: Hey! I do the metaphors!

Originally aired February 7, 2006.

Cuddy: (Speaking in reference to Stacy). Here's what I think she's gonna say: "Oh, I love Greg, but if you go against a patient's wishes, you're calling her a liar. Meanwhile, I end up in court having to defend the big, mean doctor, albeit with dreamy eyes, who wouldn't believe the nice suburban mom. And even though his cane makes me melt, do the damn surgery."

House: Who finished the animal crackers? If you finish something, don't just put back the empty box, throw it out!

(House arrives).
Cuddy: He's actually on time.
Wilson: He's six minutes early.
Cuddy: Something's happened.
Wilson: I'm on it.

Wilson: What the hell happened in Baltimore?
House: Sorry, chief - I never kiss and tell.
Wilson: I think you just did.

Wilson: Great, breaking up a marriage - fertile ground for high comedy.

Cameron: You won't read your mail, but you’ll open mine.
House: It was confidential. I wanted to know.
Cameron: The most important letter of my life, and you're still an a**.
House: Comforting, isn't it?

Stella: What happened to your foot?
House: War wound.
Stella: Does it hurt?
House: Everyday.
Stella: Is that why you're so sad?
House: Oh, aren't you adorable. I'm not sad, I'm complicated. Chicks dig that. Some day you'll understand.

Wilson: Being miserable doesn't make you better than anyone else, House. It just makes you miserable.

Stacy: What was Greg like after I left?
Cuddy: Uh, an egomaniacal narcissistic pain in the a**. Same as before you left.

Foreman: Hyper vigilance, sudden irritability.
House: Symptomatic of... lunch with Cuddy?

House: (Speaking to the white board). We give you so much and you give us so little.

House: (Speaking to Foreman). Your four weeks just expired. Your reign of terror is over – mine has just begun.

House: (He is knocking on the door to Wilson's office). I know you're in there. I can hear you caring.

House: Mommy does everything for her family these days. Even swallows their pills.

Originally aired January 10, 2006.

House: You know, "Stacy" in the original Greek means "relationship killer."

Stacy: If I thought you were capable of listening, I'd shut up.
House: That makes no sense at all.

Peter Foster: Are you trying to bribe me?
House: No. I could. There's an ATM in the lobby.
Stacy: My client is an idiot.

Wilson: Do you know your phone's dead? Do you ever recharge your batteries?
House: They recharge? I just buy new phones.

Cameron: Maybe House is wrong.
(Pause).
House: I hope that's not the end of the thought.

Cuddy: Tell me, if it is your aim to sell me the same crazy ideas that House does, how are you an improvement on House?
Foreman: I brought you a coffee!

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